say something | l.s.

- Chapter 34 -

Songs: 

Come Home - One Republic 

No Angel - Birdy

*

Maybe I should go to classes today, it’s Friday so I only have two. If I get up from bed now I still get on time. I can’t be fucking this up too, I came here to finish college and not to skip classes. I was always so careful and now I can’t even recognise myself. I tried to study the material that I didn’t get the chance to learn but I couldn’t think and memorise it. I also have practise but I can skip again. Fuck, I’ll probably be knocked out the team because I don’t show up there in two weeks.

I’m so fucked up. Well at least I still have strength – it’s not even strength anymore, is getting ride off the laziness – to stand up from bed. I’m so slow to take off my pyjama to dress the other clothes that I’m amazed that I can reach classes on time. Somehow I ended up with one of his shirts and I think it’s already the habit.

The professor didn’t even notice my presence in the class, I think he didn’t even realise that I’ve been skipping them… I don’t even think he has the knowledge of my existence, the class is so big and most of the students don’t even talk with the teachers in the whole year. Anyway.

It was all useless. I can’t concentrate enough in the classes, sure it was better coming here than staying the whole day in that dorm but I’m tired, there is too much people here and too much light.

I decide to have a late lunch on the canteen. The food today tastes particularly awful, but I haven’t been eating much, due the work I’d have to walk from bed to here, so is better than nothing.

When I raise my head I face two familiar faces. Fuck. “Louis?” Liam seems shocked, probably for seeing me, probably for my appearance which is most likely to be horrible or probably for seeing me eating. He takes the seat by my side and Zayn the one in front of me so I try to avoid looking directly at him. “Jesus Louis, what’s up with you?” his voice sounds worried, the same from three days ago when he knocked at my door but I didn’t answer

“You look awful!” This time I hear Zayn, he doesn’t look as concerned as Liam, or is it just me who thinks that

“Oh, thanks mate!” I speak and god even my voice sounds terrible. This must be too much but the truth is I don’t speak for two days, I only hear how my voice sounds in my head.

“Lou, you’ve to talk to us. What happened?” Liam rests his hand on my shoulder and I finally look at him

“I don’t want to.” I simply answer

“Fuck no way, we finally got the opportunity to see and talk to you so you’re going to speak now.” His tone is louder and I frown pulling away his touch

“No Liam.” talking seems to take from myself so much effort.

“Have you been eating? Lou you look pale, I’m worried. We’re worried so talk to us. You can’t keep shutting yourself in that room.” I notice that he’s choosing really carefully the words he should say and also that he wants to say something else but can’t. “Louis!” He says when I keep in silence

“Please don’t make me.” I whisper and look away from him. Zayn keeps shut. In this situation Zayn is weird, we never know if he’s really worried with someone, what he’s thinking, anything

“It’s been two weeks Louis!”

“Fuck, shut up Liam! I don’t want to talk, don’t-“

“No you shut up Louis!” Zayn interrupts me and I look quickly at him. He looks angry, like really angry. His jaw is clenched and his expression makes me shiver. “We’ve been worried and you don’t even give a shit and now you dare to speak with Liam like that? You know why you’re feeling this way? Because you were always fucking blind and an asshole with Harry, that’s why! Make something and stop acting like a dickhead and pity yourself!” I look widely at him and I even feel like Liam looks the same way at him.