Overjoyed

Chapter 41 - Felled in the night

Several days had passed since I had found out about the baby. I’d finally stopped torturing myself mentally by thinking about what I could have done differently in order to save my baby. Dan still hadn’t left my side, only when I forced him to go over to Courtney’s to take a shower and have a proper meal. Aside from that, he was always somewhere close by, if not in bed with me. We’d had a tough few days and we were still to discuss the giant elephant in the room - what had happened between us prior to the accident. We would have to at some point, especially since I had been making great progress and Doctor Morton had said it wasn’t long before I could go home. Home. I wasn’t entirely sure where that was anymore.

My family had flown down to see me and it had meant so much to me. My room was filled with flowers and cards from well-wishing friends and relatives. I smiled when I thought about how many people had actually made the effort to come see me, or to send presents and cards. Courtney was in every day. My heart had actually broken in two when she had come to see me the first day after I had come to, tears streaming down her cheeks as she told me how worried she was and how she couldn’t stand seeing me like that. Dan had given us some privacy and I had let her get into bed with me, hugging my best friend close.

The colour had returned to my skin and hair, and I felt less like a broken toy. I’d been relieved to hear that the driver of the cab was okay, and was already back home with his family.

“Morning Eliza” Doctor Morton said cheerily. “Hi doctor” I smiled back at him, holding Dan’s hand as he sat on the chair next to my bed. “I have some brilliant news” he said, holding his clipboard, “you’ll be able to go home by tomorrow.” Dan squeezed my hand excitedly and I saw old happiness come alive in his beautiful eyes again. It pained me that I couldn’t share in his elation. “Thank you so much” I said with a smile as Doctor Morton left.

I turned to look at Dan’s hopeful face. He kissed me gently and smiled. “Christ, I’m so relieved” he said, “I can’t wait to get you home, beautiful. Will sent someone over to tidy up, so the place won’t be a total mess when you get ba…” Sighing, I cut him off, “I’m not going back with you, Dan.” Hurt washed over Dan’s beautiful face as he asked, “Why not?” I shut my eyes tightly as I felt tears begin to sting them. Despite all that we had been through, all was not absolved. “This, the accident, the baby… it hasn’t changed what you did” I said quietly. “But Lize” he murmured sadly, “You let me in, I thought?” I shook my head, “you broke us, Dan.” His fingers grasped my hand, tugging at it for me to look at him, “I am so sorry. I’ve fucking killed myself every second over it. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life, I will regret it till the day I die, Eliza. But please, give us another chance. I love you more than anything” he said sincerely. All I wanted was to forgive him, to fall asleep beside him every night. My heart was screaming for me to tell him that I forgave him, that I knew it was just a drunken mistake that he couldn’t even recall but my head wouldn’t let me. “I can’t” I said, my voice cracking, “I can’t go back with you.”