voices - c.t.h.

prologue;

prologue;

go stab that person over there.

i grit my teeth together as i walk down the street. the voices never stop, and it's hard not to succumb to their demands.

rob the bank.

"no," i grumble to myself, hoping i don't seem crazy to the random people on the street. i shouldn't hope though, everyone in this town knows i'm insane, since my parents are the most important people in town; mayor and police chief.

my parents are never really around, except to take me to check-ups for my schizophrenia. they have practically disowned me.

right now, i could really care less. the more people are away from me the less i can hurt people, even though i can't tell when i'm hurting others; due to my schizophrenia.

you're so weak and selfish.

just stop, i think to myself. the voices never listen. i might as well listen to them, and jump off the bridge just minutes away from my house like they say.

i pull my black all time low sweatshirt hood back up, onto my head, then i fix my knotted hair.

"hello, joselyn nina caylen," a soft, shaky voice whispers. i look to the side of me and there is lyn - the only reason i know she isn't real is because I can't hear a real person with my headphones in.

"go away, lyn." i whisper; gaining weird stares from other people. there wasn't a lyn in sight as far as they knew.

"fuck you, all." i say louder; people gasp and i sneer at them. they will tell my parents, but I could care less, honestly. my parents won't do shit about my behavior, unless i actually did what the voices tell me.

"just go over there and end that guy's life. it's obvious he's cheating on his wife."

"just because it's obvious doesn't make it right." she scoffs, and shakes her head, then runs in front of me, causing me to stop.

"it definitely gives you a reason to." she smirks, throwing her blonde hair behind her shoulder.

"just leave me alone, lyn." she laughs, then begins snorting.

"darling, you should know, by now, that i'm never leaving you alone." i sigh, throwing my hands in the air. i push past lyn, and brake into a run, hoping to get as far away from her as i can; but that's impossible she's not real, she defies all logic. by now i'm ignoring her, maybe she will go away, like real human beings do when they're ignored; but again, she defies logic. "don't bother 'ignoring me'. i can see you clench your fists every time i speak." i turn around, stare at her, then point my middle finger in the air at her, as i walk backwards. i turn the last street, before arriving at the big metal gates, leading to my parent's house. behind the the metal gates is a large victorian styled mansion, but with a very modern inside. in our backyard is an in ground pool, a tennis court, and a path leading to the bridge and pond a couple miles from our house. i reach the gate, pressing the button to activate the security.

"is that you, miss joselyn?" the guard asks over the intercom.

"yes, sir." the gates open, allowing me to step inside, then they close loudly behind me. i grab my skateboard from against the gate, and step on it. i push my foot across the ground a few times, then balance myself on the board. after many minutes of riding up the driveway to our house, i finally arrive outside the door. i grab my key from around my neck, then place it into the, lock. i twist it to the right, hearing it click open, then push the door open. i pull out the key, and slam the door behind me after stepping inside.

"home!" i yell, to be greeted by my large pit bull, king. he jumps up on his back legs, putting his front legs on my thighs. i grab his paws, then dance around with him, laughing quietly. i release him and run into the living room, him right on my heels, chasing me. i fling my body onto the large couch. king jumps on top of me, barking. i pet his head, then push him off of me.

"skin the dog while he's alive," a young boy says, holding a knife in his hand

"how'd you get in my house?!" i scream, terrified as the boy walks closer to me with the knife.

"i'm not doing that!" i yell, as the front door swings open.

"joselyn nina caylen! stop!" piper - my mother - yells, her perfectly manicured hand on her hip. peter - my father - stands behind her in his chief uniform.

"piper, there is a boy standing in front of me with a knife! Peter, arrest him!" i never call my parents mother or father, they don't care about me enough to be called my parents.

"joselyn, how many times does this have to happen, for you to realize that they aren't real!" piper raises her hands, frustrated with me.

"fuck off." she scoffs, turning to peter.

"this has to stop." she whispers, thinking I can't hear hear.

"stop giving her such a hard time." this time piper scoffs at her husband, and storms away, as she throws her stilettos in my direction.

"ignore her, josie." i smile softly at peter. he's overall nicer to me and more understanding but he's not very caring.

"thanks, peter." i say sarcastically, rolling my eyes, then walking upstairs to me room. king gallops behind me. i open my bedroom door, and let king in then slam it shut behind me. i lay down on my bed, blasting my stereo system. "sometimes, dying seems easier." king whimpers, and jumps up on my bed.

i jump off my bed, and head to my bathroom, opening the medical cabinet. i grab the bottle of ibuprofen, and spill the whole bottle into my hands. i take the first one mental long counting them.

one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. eleven. twelve. thirteen. fourteen. fifteen. sixteen. seventeen. eighteen. nineteen. twenty. twenty one. twenty two. twenty three. twenty four. twenty five. twenty six. twenty seven. twenty eight. twenty nine.

i start to feel the effects for the pills as i take out a blank sheet of paper.

thanks for never taking care of me. i finally listened to the voices and took twenty nine ibuprofen pills. i would've taken more but that's all I had. i'm already feeling the effects. it's only been a few minutes.

hopefully, i won't woke up and hopefully you won't see me before i die. i don't want to be here, i don't want to live past this. i don't want to overcome and control my schizophrenia.

you won't have to worry about me killing somehow anymore because i'm dying as i write this.

please take care of king. be nice to him, give him a good home because i know you don't like him. just don't give him to the shelter because there's a chance he could be put down.

i'm sorry, i couldn't be the wonderful, perfect daughter you want. i'm sorry, i'm just a worthless bitch. i'm sorry, if you grieve over me but i don't see why you would. you've never cared about me. i'm sorry, for all the pain and wrongness i've given you.

love,

joselyn nina caylen.

i drop the pencil, and lay my head down on my pillow. king curls into a ball, laying as close to me as he can. he can tell something is wrong. he starts whimpering, and licking my face, doing anything to stop my eyes from closing. my eyes close and just before i drift off, king barks loudly.

• •

wow.