voices - c.t.h.

nine;

nine;

calum exits the bathroom, and comes towards me with a big smile on his face. i hid my sadness, and force a smile back at him. i put my phone out of sight, and keep smiling at him. he picks me up, spinning me around. then he kisses me softly.

"it's so early what should we do until therapy sessions start?" calum asks as he sits on the bed, with me in his lap. i shrug my shoulders, and calum raises an eyebrow. i know he's starting to worry, so instead i place my lips on his, kissing him with much force. he asks surprised for just a moment, before kissing me back with the same amount of force. his hands lay at my hips, tracing circles in the exposed skin.

i'm using this as a distraction. every kiss, and touch, is distracting me from thinking i'm pathetic. so i try to remove more and more clothes. i pull at the bottom of his shirt and he pulls it off his head in one swift motion before reconnecting our lips. i trace at the lines of his abs, loving the feeling of our skin touching.

calum then pulls at my shirt and i let him throw it off. we kiss more passionately, our tongues colliding. his hands move up and down my torso, sending chills down my spine. he disconnects our lips and kisses down my jawline, to my neck. he nips at the skin with his teeth and sucks. he moves around my neck, sucking, as he tries to find my sweet spot. i let out a moan and he stays there, sucking, licking, and biting the skin softly. i rest my head in his neck and suck softly at his skin.

the room starts to fill with moans. i move down to the top of his pants, unbuttoning it. then i unzip it, and calum freezes, pulling away from me.

"joselyn, babe, we can't do this. it's not right," he tells me in a hushed whisper, without even looking at my eyes.

"it's pathetic, right?" i scoff, grabbing my shirt and shoes.

"no, jos - " then i run out the door, not bothering to let calum finish his sentence. tears threaten to spill and i make a break for it i know calum is following behind me, so i zigzag around the trees. i hide behind a tree and pull my shirt on and my shoes, before taking off again.

running won't bother me for awhile. i used to spend my days running, thinking it could get me away from the voices. it also helped me from hurting anyone else. i knew how to make my footsteps in audible. i stop behind a tree, for a moment. i can still hear calum's feet crunch at the leaves that have been falling from the trees. the crunching halts for a moment.

"shit." calum mumbles to himself. "JOSIE WHERE ARE YOU?!" he screams. i stay absolutely still and silent. "fuck, fuck, fuck." his voice is laced with worry, and fear. "please josie, come out." his voice cracks, which probably means he's starting to cry. i bite my lip, cautiously. the crunching starts again, and this time he walks away.

he's giving up on you.

he doesn't even care.

"fuck you." i say to the voices.

HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU.

the voices get louder and louder. and soon they're screaming.

YOU'RE PATHETIC AND STUPID.

WHY WOULD SOMEONE LIKE HIM LIKE SOMEONE LIKE YOU?

HE'S JUST GOING TO USE YOU FOR SEX.

i start to run again, but this time, to get away from the voices. i run faster and faster until i reach the fence. it isn't too tall, and looks easy to climb. so that's what i do. i reacher the top, and my shirt gets caught, but i let it rip and climb down. i let out a breath, then run as fast as i can to a street. my phone was in my pocket, and i knew my dad's credit card number by heart.

• • •

well shit titty fuck .

- kelsey