voices - c.t.h.

four;

four;

aria and i awake with a start from the siren like sound from outside. i put my hands over my hears, wincing.

"it's okay, joselyn! It's just the alarm to wake everyone up!" she yells over the sirens. i nod and uncover my ears when the noises stop.

"thanks." i smile and i notice her staring at my chest. i don't know what to do, so, i walk over to my clothes, picking out my navy blue fall out boy shirt, awhite cardigan, and a pair of light washed blue jeans. i pull off my undershirt and pull the shirt over my head. i pull the sleeves of the cardigan on my arms.

"does this look nice, aria?" i ask, turning to her and smiling. she bites her lip as i unbutton my jeans. she closes her eyes, then walks away. weird.

while she's in the bathroom i change into my jeans, and play some music through my phone. soft mayday parade music starts and i sing along softly, scrolling through twitter on my phone.

"jos?" i look up from my phone and towards aria; she looks breathtaking.

"yes, babe?" i smile.

"does this look okay?" she wears a 5 Seconds of Summer white t-shirt with black lettering, then black jeans with the shirt tucked in, slightly.

"gorgeous." i stand up and kiss her lips softly. she kisses back, smiling under my touch.

"are you lesbian?" she asks, then covers her mouth quickly. "i - i'm sorry i shouldn't of - " i cut her off, by putting my hands on her shoulders.

"who knows? but all i know is, if this helps you, i'll do it." she smiles, breathing out a puff of air. her breath smells of mint, and she smells of vanilla. she let's herself lean in closer to me and kisses my lips, her hands firmly on my hips. i honestly don't know how i feel about this but it's not necessarily unpleasant.

another bell rings, but she doesn't pull away from me, she pushes me closer to her. i giggle against her lips, and she smiles; still not pulling away. finally she rests her forehead on mine, and just closes her eyes. another bell rings and she snaps up, grabbing my hand.

"time to go, jos, i'd hide that phone if i were you." i smile at her, and grab my phone, throwing it in the bottom of my bag, where my bras and panties are. hopefully no one will look there.

"all set." she tugs my hand, and opens the door before running outside.

"we have this therapy over suicidal thoughts first!" she yells, giggling as she runs. we finally reach the small building, and the cold air conditioning hits us, as she swings the door opening. calum stands there with his arms crossed. he then heard the ring of the door, looks up and smiles widely at me. i return the smile, as i blush, and then send him a small wave.

aria guides me over to the chairs, which are all placed in a circle, like we're going to play musical chairs. an older looking man at least in his forties is standing watching over us. every group has their counselors standing behind them. calum is behind me, along with avalon, luke, and the other boys and the girl i didn't have a chance to meet. aria squeezes my hand, slightly, smiling at me.

"welcome, everyone." the older man says, silencing the few whispers.

"today we have a new lady joining us. please come up here and introduce yourself, joselyn." i shyly walk up to where the man is and wave slightly to everyone.

"uh, hi. i'm joselyn caylen, and i was brought here because i tried to kill myself the other day. i wasn't successful, well obviously but i only tried because of my schizophrenia. the voices always tell me i'm worthless and useless, they told me to take the pills, so i did it. so, uh, yeah." i finish and return back to my seat next to aria. she grabs my hand again squeezing it tightly.

"thank you, miss joselyn for that." he coughs awkwardly. "now we're going to go around the room and introduce ourselves for her." he pauses, and looks at me for a moment. "i'll start; i'm dillon heartly." after him, the whole circle goes around introducing themselves. i don't pay attention, just hoping to leave this therapy soon. aria snaps her fingers in front of my face, and i zone back in. The whole room is empty except us two.

"you should really pay attention." aria says, laughing slightly. "since we're alone for a minute.." she trails off, then leans in, pushing her body against mine as her lips touch mine. i feel myself pull away from her and leave the room, going to my next therapy. i bump into a back and calum turns around.

"sorry 'bout that, josie." he smiles.

"it's okay, i wasn't paying attention." he nods, stuffing his hands in his front pockets.

"here, i'll walk you to your schizophrenia therapy." he reaches his hand out for me to grab, and i hesitate but decide to let myself do it.

"thanks." i mumble. as we walk he swigs our hands back and forth. he hums a tune that's familiar to me.

"Is that ghosts by mayday parade?"

"yeah! it's one of my favorites."

"it makes me feel not as insane as i already am." he stops as for a minute, untangling our hands. he places his hands on my shoulders.

"you are not insane, okay? no matter what anyone tells you." calum says, a little angrily. i nod, then he grabs my hand, continuing to swing our hands as we walk. a calm, peaceful silence falls over us.

you're all that i hoped i'd find

in every single way

and everything i could give

is everything you couldn't take

he sings those few lines from mayday parade's song miserable at best.

"thank you." i smile softly, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks. he smiles, as we stop outside a building.

"we're late." he states, still watching me. i watch him, as he grips onto my hand tighter.

"a - are we gonna go in?" i stutter. he shakes his head, snapping at of his trance and opens the door for me.

• •

wow

sorry if this is like really weird. i can barely pay attention because of all the pills my doctor put me on. im numb, shaking, and dizzy so

well i hoped you enjoyed the cosie / jalum moment

- kelsey