voices - c.t.h.

eight;

eight;

there was only two sounds to break the sweet, comforting silence; the beats of our hearts, and calum's soft breathing. the room was a dark, gloomy color, since the sun had not yet risen. i laid still on calum's chest, careful not to move and wake him. his shirt fabric was soft against my cheek, making me want to move in closer to him. i close my eyes, trying to rest and fall back asleep. but sleep did not come, so i decide to check the time. i look across the room, at the clock, and it reads 4:37a.m. it was definitely too early to be awake, but since i fell asleep immediately after dinner, i had gotten plenty of sleep.

"josie.. why are you awake?" calum murmurs, barely moving his lips, and not bothering to open his eyes.

"we fell asleep right after dinner, i'm wide awake now, cal." i tell him, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. then he offers a small smile, before rolling over, and immediately falling back asleep.

i decide to shower while awaiting for calum to fully awaken. i turn on some music as i let the warm water run down my skin. i wash my hair, face, and body, then let myself relax under the warm stream of water. i close my eyes and just let the water flow over me, and erase all my impurities.

"hey, bitch, i'm back." i jump at the sound of the voice, and open my eyes. i look all around the bathroom, and there's no sign of her.

"lyn, just come out, I know it's you." I speak in a quiet voice, so i don't wake up calum.

"get dressed first, slut." i clench my teeth together, and grit them. i turn the water off, and comply to her demands. i wrap a towel around me as i step out. the bathroom is clouded, and foggy, and dark as if someone dimmed the lights. i quickly dry myself off, then pull on the sweatshirt and leggings i had picked out before getting in. suddenly, lyn appears in front of me, with her devilish smile. i state her dead in the eye and make my hands into fists.

"get the hell away from me, i have my way to make the voices stop. why the fuck are you here? damn, just find someone else to torture!" she doesn't even flinch at my words. she stays silent for a moment before laughing right in my face.

"honey, we're never leaving.. nor can you ever make us leave." she starts an evil cackle, and my skin starts to crawl and shudder. she brings her hand up, and then smacks it to my cheek. since she isn't real there is no pain, but it makes her fade away.

"josie, can i get in there? i need to use the bathroom?" calum asks from the other side of the door, and i sigh in relief. a real person. i grab onto him as tightly as i can. he's surprised at first, but is soon hugging me back, and stoking my hair. i let go of calum and step back. "baby, why're you crying?" he steps closer to me, and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears away from my eyes.

"it was just, um - lyn. one of my schizophrenic 'visions'." i whisper, looking down.

"don't be ashamed, joselyn," he says while using his index finger to push my chin up, "it's part of who you are. schizophrenia makes you, you. and when i fell for you, your schizophrenia was there. i love every part of you." he leans down, placing his soft lips on mine. he kisses me, ever so gently, as if i'm glass, and he's afraid i'll break. the kiss is short, but he engulfs me in his arms, rocking me back and forth, as he sings to me.

"calum, do you think my schizophrenia will ever be in 'remission'?" i whisper quietly, looking up at him.

"i think so. just wait, babe. you'll see or day that you'll be the most normal schizophrenic, and people will want to be you." i blush, and calum chuckles softly. he places one last kiss on my lips before letting me go to use the bathroom.

i grab my phone out of the bottom of my bag. there was one message and it was from my mother.

joselyn, as soon as you aren't hearing voices we're sending you to america to go to college and get a proper education. then you can do whatever you please with your pathetic life.

tears began to weld in my eyes. she thinks of me as pathetic. i am pathetic. i'm stupid to think that a handsome boy would want to be with someone like me. i'm stupid enough to let my only friend her slip away. i'm stupid and pathetic, how could anyone want me? why would anyone want me?

• •

hello i have finally updated because i finally have a new iPod. sorry about the delays but i am here now.

- kelsey