voices - c.t.h.

five;

five;

as soon as i walked into that building, i knew i needed to leave. i almost take my hand out of calum's grip and run away.

it also is comforting being around other schizophrenics; i don't feel alone and insane.

how come you didn't succeed at killing yourself? if you really hated us that much, you wouldn't of lived.

"you okay?" calum asks, seizing the voices in my head.

"um.. no?" i phrase my answer more like a question, and he raises his eyebrows. he grabs my other hand, engulfing mine with his large hands.

"i know you probably aren't here voluntarily, but this really helps, i promise. i've seen it happen."

"with avalon, right? she told me she had anorexia." calum nods, and presses his finger to his lip. we are supposed to be listening.

"rhank you for paying attention now, josie and mr. hood." i hide in calum's shoulder. i hate being the center of attention; since i never have been, it's new to me. calum chuckles slightly, his chest vibrating with laughter.

"it's okay, love." he strokes my thigh, trying to comfort me.

"as i was saying, the key to controlling schizophrenia, is finding something real to focus on. maybe a voice or a certain person's face. anything that holds you to reality will work." the therapist finishes right before a bell, and we are dismissed.

"lunch time for you, right?" calum questions me, as we leave the building, still hand in hand.

"uh, yes, actually. have you been stalking me?" i ask, bumping into him.

"i'm your counselor, i have to know your schedule."

makes sense, dumbass.

"shut up," i mumble.

make us. oh wait, you tried, and look where you are now, haha.

"shut up." i say louder this time. calum squeezes my hand tighter.

you're pathetic. why on earth would you think this guy would want to help you?

"shut up!" i yell, pulling my hand from calum's, and pulling slightly on my hair.

"shut up! shut up!" i hit my hands on my head, and fall to the ground.

never will we ever.

a pair of arms engulf my body, lifting me up. i am lifted onto a pair of legs. the two of us sit in silence for a while, as i let myself calm down. i turn around and come face to face with calum.

"babe, you okay?" calum asks, his breath fanning my face.

"y-yeah." i stutter, nervously. i have never ever been this close to a boy before. calum starts leaning closer to me, as i stare blankly at him. his eyes flutter close, and he let's his lips press onto mine. i kiss him back, moving my lips slowly against his. the voices have fallen silent; all i hear is our heartbeats and our breathing.

he pulls away from me, resting his forehead on mine. his eyes remain closed, as mine are opened. he keeps his arms wrapped firmly around me, still.

"i-i'm sorry about that. i know we don't know each other well, but you're just so beautiful and your lips looked so-well kissable. i thought it'd help you." he says, as he flutters his eyes open.

"don't be sorry, especially for an amazing kiss like that." i grab a fistful of his shirt, pulling him towards me. our lips collide, again. i feel this sense of relief and i never want to let that feeling go.

"we need to go eat," he mumbles against my lips, still moving his against mine.

"later," i promise, still kissing him with all i can. his grip on my waist gets tighter and tighter as we kiss longer and longer. i let my fingers tangle in his hair, as my legs wrap tightly around his waist.

"when is your free period?" he asks, pulling away enough that ours lips are no longer together.

"uh.. after lunch i think." he smirks, before standing us both up. he drops me to my feet.

"great. aria is busy, and i'm supposed to watch over you.." calum trails off, then pecks my lips.

"after lunch," escapes his lips before he walks away.

i dust myself off, then touch my fingers to my lips. i am definitely not lesbian. i smile widely, as i walk inside the large cafeteria.

i walk in line with a bunch of other people, awaiting lunch. the line goes by quickly, and soon i have a slice of pepperoni pizza and apple slices.

"jos!" a voice calls. i look around before finding aria waving at me over and over. i practically run to the table.

"how was your session without me?" i ask, turning to her. she quickly takes this as an invitation to kiss me. i pull away from her quickly and she looks at me with hurt.

"uh.. i- there's people here.." i mumble, making up a lie, as to why i don't want to kiss her.

"oh right." she takes a large bite of her pizza. "the session was quiet without being able to talk to you."

"calum went with me to mine. it was for schizophrenia. he held my hand and also walked me there it was nice." she nods, not bothering to come in eye contact with me; odd.

"let's hurry and eat." she says. we finish the rest of our food in silence. neither of us ate everything off the tray. once we finish, we throw the rest of our food away, then aria grabs my hand. she pulls me out of the packed cafeteria, and to a small wooded area. she sits me down on one of the tree stumps, before connecting her lips with mine. she moves her lips against mine, quickly. she gives up after no response from me and huffs.

"what?" i ask, as she paces back and forth in front of me.

"well, i like you, a whole fucking lot, but you aren't gay, so." she snaps, looking at me with much anger.

"i told you, i didn't know. i said that i was doing it to help you." she laughs nervously, while twisting her hair between her fingers.

"of course. now that i've fallen for you, you know you aren't gay." she storms away, leaving me confused, but filled with relief.

• •

another new chapter for you all

- kelsey