•Notes•//DingDulian

•8•

Julian:
I couldn't do this.I just left our apartment and went wherever I was going.He relapsed and It was my fault.
That kiss It felt so right yet so wrong.
I was walking to Chris's Apartment now because I just wanted to talk to someone.When I arrived there he cheerfully opened the door but his expression changed pretty fast when he saw my Tear stained face.
„Oh fuck what happened"I sat down on the couch and buried my face in one of the pillows.
„We kissed and It felt so right but I don't know If I'm actually in Love with him."I was now facing Chris who sat down beside me.
„Don't tell me you don't love him.They way you look at him says everything Julias"My vision got blurry and the next thing I know is that I was crying again.
„I feel so guilty"
„Why?"He gave me a questioning look but that expression changed into shock when I told him that he started cutting again and sliced up his whole arm and them told me it was my fault.
After sitting here with Chris for about 4hours of watching some stupid TV show and talking about random Things.I left his apartment and made my way back home feeling worse than I ever felt.Not only did I feel sad and guilty I was also terrified what If he did something,what If he killed himself.
I got more and more panicked but I felt a giant relieve when I opened the door and I saw Ding Dong standing there at the fridge.We looked at each other for good 10seconds until he started speaking.
„It's not your fault"He took a water bottle out of the fridge and them walked to his room.After I took of my shoes I went to Ding Dong's room.He was sitting on his bed without a shirt on trying to put bandages around his left arm.
I sat down on his bed with him and helped him with the bandages.He sighed and then looked at me.
„I'm sorry"I shook my head and when I finished fixing his arm I looked up at him.
„It is my fault.I'm so sorry Ding Dong.I just want to fix this yet I somehow make everything worse."
„It's fine Julian"I love the way he says my name
„Ding Dong,Why...Why do you love me"His cheeks turned kinda pink which you could clearly see because he was so pale and he looked kinda confused.
„B-Because You take such good care of me.You're always so nice to me and you're just an amazing person.You're sweet and kind and you give the best hugs and your Laugh is the best I have ever heard..."His Eyes looked so pretty while he was talking and I couldn't believe how someone could ever say such amazing stuff about me.He was looking at me with concern but I just smiled and he did too.Suddenly I felt my chest tighten,It felt like someone was sitting on it.We looked at each other for a few seconds until I put my hand on the side of his face and pulled him closer.I had to kiss him,I just had to do it.He was about 2inch away from me when he looked straight into my Eyes and then closed them when he leaned in further to kiss me.I felt so good and It felt amazing kissing him.This was better than before.My hand was still on the side of his Face and I got really confused when I felt my hand get wet.I pulled away from the kiss and looked at Ding Dong who was crying.
„Ding Dong"I was trying to sound as calm as possible but he started sobbing and It made me feel terrible seeing him like that.He got closer again and hugged me so i wrapped my arms as tight as I could around him.
I love this kiss and I love his hugs,I love his smile and god I love him.
„I love you" I just said it and I'm glad I did.He was still hugging me but I think  he stopped crying.
„Please don't say this to make me feel better"
„I'm not.I love you and everything about you"He leaned away from our hug and looked at me.
„I love you too Julian"
We then kissed again and god did It feel amazing.I love this Boy so much I hate myself for just realising this.Why did It take me so long.