•Notes•//DingDulian

•28•

DingDong:
I closed the book and took a deep Breath.I haven't seen him in so long.I never left my room when he was home.
When I got up my legs hurt from rarely moving but it didn't take long until It stopped and I started walking towards Julian's room.The door was shut and It took me about a Minute to get my shit together and open it.
He was sitting on his bed with his blanket in his arms crying into it.I've never seen him so sad.This is breaking my heart even more.He looked up at me and shook his head.
„omg what did you do"He looked so shocked which confused me.
When he realised I didn't get what he was talking about he kept talking.
„There's nothing but Bones left of you Ding Dong"I was still fat what was he talking about.A few sobs came from Julian and Tears were still running down his Face.I stood there awkwardly until I decided to just sit down beside him on his bed.
„What happened?"I didn't think he would tell me but he did.
„Matt told me he doesn't love me which I expected sooner or later but that's not what I'm so frustrated about"He turned his face so he could look at me.
„I'm sorry Ding Dong,I did love him and when he told me that and he said that I'm a shit Person,I couldn't bare it,It hurt so bad that he didn't love me and then it hit me....I put you through that as well,basically twice.I am so sorry.Ding Dong I can't describe how sorry I am."His Eyes were already red from crying and he just looked like one big mess.
„It's...It's fine,Julian"
„It's not.Chris told me Ding Dong.It's my fault you almost cut to Death that one night and It's my fucking fault that you're starving yourself to Death!!"He was almost yelling and I've never seen him this upset.I started sobbing and crying so I just leaned against Julian and held him as tight as possible.
„I-...I didn't know what to do.I just wanted to...be pretty.I was craving to be skinny so you would think I was pretty."Julian hugged me and I felt the best I felt in the last weeks.
We stayed like this for a few Minutes until he put his hands on my shoulder and pushed me away from him so we could look at each other.
„You're beautiful,You're so fucking beautiful even if you weighed like 150kg.I don't care about your weight or the way you look Ding Dong,I care about you.I feel horrible for putting you through this and when Chris called me that you passed out on your bathroom floor,covered in blood because you cut so bad,I was balling my Eyes out.The Reason I didn't come back was because I was scared.You have the right to hate me and everything I totally get it.And the Truth is I love you.I do.You probably won't believe because I told you I didn't but I do.I said that because I was mad not because I meant it.I love you Ding Dong,I love you so much.I'm sorry for not letting you know this until now where it's too late"Everything he just said just felt so honest and True and god It's not too late,It's so not too late.
I pulled him closer by putting my hand on his neck and then when he was an inch away from my face It was the perfect time to tell him.
„It's not too late Julian,I love you"Before he could reply I pushed my lips against his and fuck did I miss this.The feeling of his lips against mine and just the warmth and safety that come from it.We made out for about 5Minutes until Julian backed away and looked at me.
„Ding Dong I'm sorry for everything and I don't expect you to forgive me but I need to ask you something which I should've asked way before this all happened,but do you wanna be my boyfriend?"It felt like someone punshed me in the stomach and my heart stopped for a second.I waited so long for this.
„heck yes I do" We were both still kinda crying but we both started smiling when we realised what just happened.
He leaned in again and kissed and I still couldn't get over how good it felt and how much I missed this.
We talked about the last few weeks for an hour and just cuddling in his bed and I can't even describe how happy I am this makes up for all the days that I felt like shit.
I was almost asleep.When Julian broke the silence.
„are you staying with me tonight?"
„I'd be kinda disappointed If you made me sleep on my own tonight"
„I take that as a yes"At this point we were both under his blanket and I was just in a shirt and underwear while I was lying as close to Julian as possible.He was lying on his back and I was just kinda on my side with my arms around him basically hugging him.
I hope this is it.I hope this is the point where everything just gets better again.These past few Month if not the past year everything has just been going up and down but mostly down but I hope this mean that everything will get better again.I just want to be with Julian and I wanna be happy and spend Time with him.
I know I shouldn't get my hopes up so high but I feel like this is the point where Things get better.