•Notes•//DingDulian

•29•

DingDong:
I woke up im the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep whick kinda frustrated me because this is the first Time in weeks that I was actually sleeping well.At least I slept for a few hours that's good enough.
I was starring at Julian's Face and started smiling just because I love him so much.Suddenly Tears just started streaming down his face while he was asleep and it confused me a lot.I didn't know If I should wake him up
or not but I decided not to because I want him to rest.After thinking about why he was crying for good 5 Minutes I just wrapped my arms around him and tried to fall back asleep.He was probably just having a bad dream.
•
I woke up to an empty bed and I felt sick and cold. The Apartment was absolute silent which means Julian probably left the house.When I sat up in bed I started feeling even more sick and my stomach hurt like hell.
I took my phone and texted Julian but that was pointless because from the other side of bed I heard a ring sound which was Julian's phone.He left his phone here shit.My whole body hurt and I was craving hugs and being held.I  started hugging his blanket and I was surprised at how alone I felt just because he's gone for a bit.
Even though I felt enormous pain I fell back asleep but woke up a few hours later again because the front door open and fuck was I happy.It took him about 5Minutes to come to his room to see that I was still in his bed.
„Good morning"He laughed and sat down next to me.
„Hi"I sat up and held my stomach because I felt so sick.
„Why are you holding your stomach?If you're pregnant that's not mine"We both started laughing which made me feel even worse.
„stoooop"I hugged him and immediately started feeling better.When I backed away and looked at him I noticed a bruise on his neck which looked like a love bite.It didn't seem old.
„Julian?What is that?"I pointed at his neck.
„Let me explain okay?"my heart dropped and I already felt like crying.I just nodded while I was trying to hold back my Tears.
„I was with Chris and then Ryan and Matt came along.Ryan and Chris went to get food and...Matt and Me started talking.He apologised and told me that he was sorry but I told him we were dating and then he started kissing me but I pushed him away and then he did ,'that' "I don't know If I should believe him or not this wouldn't be the first time he lied to me.
„I'm not lying Ding Dong.I love you too much to let anyone destroy this"He took my hand in his and I decided to believe him because I was convinced he was telling the Truth.I just nodded and then leaned in to kiss him.It made me cringe to think about the Fact that I was kinda kissing Matt as well but I pushed that thought away because It made me sad and that's not what I need.One Thing led to another and next Thing I know I was lying on top of Julian.He had on hand on my neck and the other one on my waist and I got more and more uncomfortable but didn't wanna tell him.After a few more Minutes he took of my shirt and that was it I never felt so ashamed of myself.
I turned my head away from Julian and then sat down next to him while putting my shirt back on.
„Sorry"He looked at me and put a hand on my shoulder.
„It's not your fault tho.I don't know why it just makes me so uncomfortable and I can't stop it.I'm sorry Julian"I wS so uncomfortable and embarrassed I hate myself.
„It's more than fine"He wrapped his arms around me and I immediately felt so much safer.
„I love you"I was mumbling and I didn't expect him to understand me but he did.
„I love you too"I smiled to myself just because I waited so long just to say this and hear it back from him.It felt amazing and I never wanted this to stop.
„Ding Dong?"I once again mumbled something into his neck because we were still hugging giving him a sign to keep talking.
„Are you feeling better?I mean...do you need help?With you know?"He backed away from our hug and looked at me and he had this worried look on his Face and It was nice knowing that he actually cared about me.
„I feel like I am.I feel so much happier with you.But I don't think so I don't even have the urge to when I'm with you"I looked at my arms because I was just wearing a shirt and I just noticed how many scars there actually wear.It didn't look that much when I did but now when I look at it it's covered in scars.
„Promise me that you will never do that again please"My heart dropped at Julian's expression.He looked so sad.
„I won't I promise."I hugged him again and eventually I fell back asleep with my head on his shoulder.I wasn't really a heavy sleeper so I felt Julian lying me down in his bed and putting the blanket over me.God do I love him.
He ran his hand through my hair and sighed.
„I'm so sorry.I'm so sorry"He was whispering and I'm sure he thought I couldn't hear him but I did and It made me sad that he's still apologising.I wanted to tell him that It's fine but I didn't wanna ruin this so I just acted like I was asleep but I eventually stopped when Julian laid down beside me and I got closer to him to wrap my arms around him.He kissed my forehead and I can't even describe how good it feels just to be with him and cuddle him.I don't think I ever loved someone ad much as I love Julian.
„I love you so much Julian"
„I love you too"He grabbed my hand and held it and with that I once again fell back asleep still feeling a bit sick but also so much better because at the End of the Day I was falling asleep next to the Person I love the most and the best part is they love me too and that's just amazing.