What We Do is Secret [XOXO]

September 3, 2008

New Jersey - 03:14

The car stood stationary on the side of the road. The house across the street sat cold and dark. Frank didn't expect much more than that. He didn't expect anything. He hardly knew what he was doing there. The backseat had grown comfortable in the 2 hours he'd spent not moving and the faint sound from the album that had years before annoyed him to no end played on repeat waving in and out of his ears. It was as good a place as any really for what was running through his mind and it was the closest he could get to home. Home. Not the kind one would think of. Not where a wife and warmth lived. Not the place that was supposed to save him. But rather a person. The person who used to live across the street. He wasn't there anymore. He hadn't been there in months and Frank knew he'd never live there again, not when California held the life he'd always wanted.

How could he start that life when Frank could bearly find the will to take another breath? Frank tried to remember when the last time was that he felt his own heart beat. He tried to remember the last time he'd dared to whisper Gerard's name quietly to himself. The last time he felt anything besides the scream that stayed trapped in his throat. He could scream his lyrics till his throat bled and caught fire, but it was never enough to rid himself of the name he wanted to scream out. He hadn't cried yet... not that night anyway. The only move his mouth made was a twitch that came over him every now and then when a coherent thought escaped the chaos of voices saying vile things.

But the voices were calming down now. They were soothing him into it, coaxing him through the act he'd committed, telling him he'd done well 'Good Boy' they said and Frank smiled.

I won't take much of your time

I just want you to see, What I have made inside these lines. It's as good as I can be. All that I can be

Head tilted down, knees on the ground And I will ask, "Please.. Save me!"
I deserve for you to turn away. I was ashamed to speak your name. I can't believe that all you see, Is that you have covered me gracefully. You're all I want to be. You're all I'll ever need.

03:17

"Babe..." She groaned next to him, nudging his shoulder.

"Hmmm? Tell it'ta shut up." Gerard mumbled, sniffing and burying his face in the pillow.

"I'm not climbing over you, Gerard. Answer or switch off." She nudged him further.

Gerard grunted, opening an eye to better gage the location of his phone, shaking his head awake when noticing the phone ID that shone in the dark of the room. Gerard grabbed his phone, exiting the area quickly.

"Babe?" She asked after him, but he had already closed the door.

Gerard answered the phone and placed it to his ear, walking down the hallway in his Pjs, barefeet, finding his way in the dark. "Frank?" Gerard waited for an answer, pausing to better hear what could be going on on the other end of the reciever. Pulling his brows together, Gerard's teeth caught his lip in concentration. "Frank? Are you listening to TATU?" he teased as an amused smile spread across his lips.

"I love you." His voice was hoarse and broken. Gerard stopped in his tracks, the cold seeping into his feet as the sound of Frank's broken sobs filled his ears.