Auburn Ivy runs away from her problems even if it means running away from her family, friends and familiar life. Anthony Kroff is a footballer on the rise but is lonely and lost in the new city he finds himself in. Their lives would have never inte...
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0.36 | from Sabah's recorder: when saying goodbye |
The meeting with Julia was bland. I-I don't think I can talk about it, not to you, not to them. Should I get you another cup of coffee?
The days after that meeting operated at two levels and time was the only clue that everything was muddled--it went both shockingly quick and excruciatingly slow. Whole days would go in a blur of coffee kettles and paper cups while muffins and biscuits took lifetimes. I would find myself standing from morning till dusk, hands covered in hardening dough, as if suddenly waking from a dream.
I found myself cracking into pieces and I didn't know where I ended and the shop began, no more than I knew when I was awake and when dreaming. All I knew was that the world was too bright and prone to mist over at the slightest provocation.
All too soon, Auburn announced, "I'm going away for a week."
Anthony and I looked at each other silently, as if urging the other to say something. I'm sure we had different ideas but there we were unable to say anything. Words are the mercy of moments, sometimes they can be uttered, other times they elude us as the night eludes the day.
"That's a short visit," I said. My mouth felt like dry bread.
"I have a feeling even a week will be too long," she sighed. It was easy to see just how much she was dreading this trip. She felt it too, that everything was too fragile to undertake such adventures, that suddenly she would be all alone even as she was traveling back to her family.
Anthony was fidgeting again, messing up his hair. "Uh...if you want, only if you want, of course, um, I can come along." He blushed deeply and looked away before glancing back quickly.
Auburn blinked and then smiled. "Thank you, that is very kind of you and I wish you could but this is something I have to do alone. Otherwise, I might as well stay here with you guys."
He nodded. "You'll be fine."
"Be back soon," I said, pointedly. Later, at the airport, I would go on mentally repeating this phrase as a kind of personal prayer as she disappeared beyond the security check. If abandonment was a feeling, it felt like I had been slapped all over again.
When Auburn and Anthony had started to build their lives around mine, I had always known somewhere in the back of my mind that this was going to be temporary but I had gone on, letting them in, pouring out into theirs as they stepped over invisible lines that had closed off mine.
We had started as three. We were down to two.
One of these days, we would be back to one.
That one would be me, the only company I can't enjoy. Those two, I was sure would end up together. However, by then the equation would no longer hold. Maybe one plus one plus one doesn't always equal three, maybe all of maths has been a comfort to those who are uncomfortable in the face of being alone among equations that don't balance.
Sitting there, can you understand what I speak? Speak up, I need to know you're listening and I haven't been speaking to myself!
I'm sorry. I don't know what is happening. Today has been tiring and difficult to string thoughts together. Just like the day, Anthony and I had sat here, talking.
He said he was planning something for Auburn when she came back. I was hardly listening but I knew it involved some surprise trip to some place abroad. I wanted to scream, how can you be sure she is coming back? How can you want to see places when you haven't even seen Madrid yet? How can you talk like this?
But then he said something that brought me back to the conversation. "Carlotta, I need to ask you something."
His tone was suddenly so serious that I looked up.
He reddened and looked down, playing with the handle of his teacup. "Please be completely honest in your answer, I don't want you to feel sorry for me and tell me something that will make me happy. I need you to be brutally honest."
"Okay," I said, slowly. "What is this about?" Could it be...
"You know I like Auburn," he said. "I really do. However, the last time I tried to tell her so was not only painful but also embarrassing. I told myself I would never breach the topic again with her but I don't know...lately it's been hopeful? It might just be wishful thinking on my part and I don't want to jump to conclusions and spoil something that is very precious to me by saying something odd. Tell me...what does Auburn think of me?"
I opened my mouth to reply, a smile already on my lips but he interrupted me.
"I am sorry to ask this of you but I'll go crazy thinking and doubting otherwise. I do really love her and I would do anything for her happiness. I want to take her out and not just to some cliché restaurant but to places that we dream about. I want to able to tell her I love her, I-I-...do you understand?"
I nodded, leaning forward, eyes lit up.
It was time.
***
If that last line doesn't tell you anything, IT IS TIME! This novel is getting over in two chapters or so. Are you ready? I so am not ready to let go of AUBONY, Carlotta and Sabah. But as the lady said, it is time.
CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW CUTE ANTHONY IS!? Like dayum, what a confession there, my boy!
This chapter took me so long to write. Half of it has been sitting on my laptop for around two weeks or more so I am very happy I finally did it. Thanks for all the support and to the new readers, hello and welcome!
