Find You There (Fanfic Version)

Fifty-Three

In one lifetime, I've been in many weddings. I find most of them completely exquisite, given the amount of effort and hardwork dragged in for even the slightest detail. It could be the man or the woman or both who kills themselves just to get the perfect wedding, to find the right colors, to choose the correct caterers and which buffet is to be served, to display the extravagant flowers and which location is the best for the actual wedding and the reception.

In this instance, I wonder who chose all of those. I wonder if Harry had put in some effort, if he was there every step along the way in the decision making process. I wonder how he proposed, and where. I wonder if he did it the usual way, where he gets down on one knee, the gleam in his eyes quite visible as same through with the smile on his face. Had it been the best moment of his life when she agreed? Had he jumped, overjoyed and gleeful for the rest of the night he couldn't wipe the smile from his face?

There are many things I wondered about the entire car ride. I had to, otherwise I might break down right then and there. When my eyes are watching the scenes, my mind was somewhere else.

A part of me says it's not worth it. The trip, the day, the time and the heartbreak. He's not worth it. However, if my memory is correct like it usually is, we've had three years where I thought I knew him. He's usually worth the heartbreak. . . at least, back then he was. We've gone through many things when we were younger, what I wonder now is why it was worth throwing it all away. Was she worth it?

I take a deep breath first, sharply taking the air in as the tall cathedral blocks the sun from hitting against the car window. Dad announces that we're here so I casually unlock the door and walk out. From where I stand, I can see a great view of the white aisle, extending from the outside to the altar where his bride would walk in. The flowers, white and purple aligned and neatly arranged. Visitors are starting to come forward inside the church, black, white, and lavender. A wave of nostalgia hit almost immediately replaced by a piercing feeling deep within my chest. He could have at least chosen another scent. . . another color. . . another flower.

There was not a doubt that the wedding break records in grandeur and expense from the ones I've attended when I was younger and of course, I shouldn't have expected any less. In every second, every step I walk inside the church feels strange. The hair is rising up from arms, I have to keep running my palm through them so as not to show. It gets a bit difficult as the dress I wear is sleeveless and short cropped over my knee.

Along the way, dad asks me if I'm feeling fine and I assure him I am. Even if everything inside me is saying otherwise.

Over to the first bench, I see the cats, the people whom haven't forgotten yet never did say such an occasion is occurring. I cannot blame them for hiding it from me either. . . I understand. Besides, it's nice to see them again all in one place. . .even Runner.

I insist on not showing myself to them, sitting somewhere behind five rows of seats away. On the front, I see Cassie and her husband along with Warren who had grown a lot over the years, eight years old or somewhere around the age. And then there's Harry's father, who I only saw twice in my life. . . third for today. The first one being the encounter on the bridge. Apart from them, I have no one else to look for.

I try to be as confident as I think I am. . .

Over the decorations, the clothes, the venue, the flowers, there had been one thing I am glad that was not remotely familiar to me: the song played as we stand and the long line of tuxes and gowns make their way through the aisle. Violet flower petals were scattered carelessly by a toddler, taking the color down to the white carpet the bride shall walk on. To take notice of the fancy beads on their dresses, the embroideries, the tiniest details, one would easily get distracted. Only for a quick second.