Past, Present and the not-so-distant-Future

Insecurities

The ride home from the party was really quiet. Lindsay could tell something was bothering Lysandra but every time she asked the other girl if anything was wrong, the only reply she received was 'nothing'. Normally, Lindsay would keep at her until she finally talked about it, but tonight she just wasn't in the mood, she had a lot on her mind.

When they got home, Lysandra went to take a shower and Lindsay slowly walked over to the couch and fell back on it, staring blankly at the ceiling. She felt utterly exhausted .Seeing Crystal again after all this time had totally drained her. She still couldn't believe she was really home. She knew it was going to affect her, but she was not at all prepared for how hard and fast all those feelings that she'd tried so hard to supress came flooding back. Crystal was even more beautiful than the last time she saw her and Lindsay honestly couldn't take her eyes off her all night. She remembered how much she missed her smile, her laughter, her smirks, her sense of humor, her confidence. And one look into those hazel eyes, and she was gone. Lindsay smiled as she replayed the night in her head. It had felt so good when Crystal hugged her. Lindsay just melted into her arms, it had been so long.

Four years. It seemed like yesterday. She thought back to that ride on the ferris wheel. She knew it was just because of her panic attack that Crystal had kissed her. She'd been freaking out so bad that she could've fallen out or shook the entire seat. The kiss was meant to calm her down, but it ended up doing the exact opposite. It had woken up something in Lindsay that was far from calm. She refused to acknowledge the feeling for a while, but it refused to be ignored and eventually she'd given in a admitted to herself that she'd liked it. A lot. She didn't know what to do, so she just didn't do anything. Even if there was a remote chance that Crystal returned her feelings, it didn't matter. Crystal was leaving and Lindsay refused to be the reason why she didn't follow her dreams. The kiss at the airport had nearly caused her to break down, it was so simple and so sweet. It had totally taken her breath away and it took every ounce of willpower Lindsay had not to confess her feelings right then and there and beg Crystal to stay and be with her.

Watching Crystal walk away that day was the hardest thing she'd ever endured. Once Crystal was gone, she'd felt like a part of her was gone too and she'd never felt the same since then. Until tonight. It had taken a long, long time, but Lindsay eventually was able to push the feelings down deep inside her and move on with her life. Now those same feelings were suddenly back with a vengeance. Seeing Crystal tonight made her feel a lot of different things, but one feeling surpassed every other one. She felt complete again.

Already missing her, she reached over and grabbed her cell phone. She started dialing, then shook her head and snapped her phone shut. I can't call her. I just saw her a half hour ago and I'm going to see her tomorrow. What would I say? Hey Crys, just wanted to hear your voice?

She sighed and let her head drop back against the couch as she tried to think of a legitimate reason to call. Finally, starting to get frustrated, she just sat up and opened her phone again. This is Crystal. My best friend. I never needed an excuse to call before and I don't need one now.

Crystal answered on the fourth ring. "Hey Lin."

Lindsay smiled at the sound of the soft voice. "Hey yourself. What are you doing?"

"Just waiting for Reg to pick a movie, he's taking forever."

"Aw man, I forgot! I'm sorry, I'll let you go."

"No, it's ok. So what up, girl?"

"Nothing really, I just called because I wanted to tell you again how good it was to see you. I really can't seem to say it enough, huh?"

"You can say it as much as you want, I love hearing it." She could practically hear the smile in Crystal's voice. "You don't even know how much I missed you," she began and Lindsay felt her heart flip.