speak | minishaw

48

He didn't expect him to be here at all, out of anyone who could be here, how come Harry was here?

It seemed a little strange, Harry wasn't a popular kid and he didn't enjoy house parties, especially ones held by his ex best friend, so how come he had chosen to show up?

Simon wasn't complaining though, he walked up to Harry grabbing his wrist and pulled him outside the front door into the fresh air. The two walked a little bit away from the house, in order to stop anyone from seeing them and suspecting anything, these two were pretty good at keeping their relationship a secret. They didn't do things to make it obvious, they stayed away from each other at school most time and went to places that weren't as crowded.

They both sit down at the curb, Harry smiles over at Simon, glad to have seen him. "This is the first time I've properly seen you hair, it looks good," Harry breathes, he strokes his finger through Simons silver locks, Simon giggles. "You really like, or are you just saying that because you feel like you have to?" Simon asks. "Trust me Simon, I like it, you suit it." Harry smiles. The comment makes Simon blush, he turns away.

"What are you doing here, you do realise this is Ashley's party?" Simon asks. Harry groans. "Yeah I know, she invited me a couple of days ago, I don't know why she did, and honestly, I don't know why I came here, I just decided to." Harry was unsure. "Normally I don't do things like this, parties aren't my scene but for some reason I made up my mind to come to this party, hopefully have a good time." He explains further.

"Thing is, before you came along all I was really doing was standing there awkwardly, I'm not used to parties like you are Si," he sighs. "The trick is to just get drunk, then you forget about everything, you mind lets loose and your surrounded by people in the exact same boat, it isn't as awkward when your drunk." Simon chuckles.

"But when your drunk you make mistakes, I don't want to wake up in the morning regretting my choices. I don't really want alcohol to affect me badly to a point where everything is a blur," Harry bites his lip.

"Your so different to other people." Simon says. "How?"

"Because so many people in that house, in that party, are drinking because they want the blur. It's not all about the taste. Drinking can give you a night off from your problems, think about it, there are so many people there drunk, blocking out all the things they hate in their life, and spending the night just letting loose."

"Have you ever drunk for that reason?" Harry suddenly asks. Simon eyes widen. "Don't feel like you need to tell me why if you have, don't even answer the question of you don't want to, I shouldn't have asked that I'm sorry Si I just."

"Yes I have, yes I have." Simon says.

Simon stands up and starts to walk away from Harry, he couldn't deal with this right now. He didn't want to crack under pressure and spill anything out to Harry.

"Simon I'm so sorry for bringing that up I didn't mean that!" Harry says, Simon feels a hand on his shoulder as he turns around and faces the slightly smaller blue eyed boy he liked, or used to like. He didn't know anymore.

Harry presses his lips onto Simons but Simon at that moment doesn't feel alive, he feels emotionless, not joining in on the kiss he once used to, he didn't dislike the feeling of Harrys lips on his, but this time the kiss didn't feel as magical as it once did. He hated himself for it. For not being able to be infatuated like Harry was, he just at that space in time, couldn't.

Harry pulls away, nothing how Simon isn't doing much to respond, Harry rubs the backs of his neck. He bites his lip looking up at Simon, he sighs, not wanting to say anything in chance he messes things up worse, but sometimes you just have to go for it.

"I feel like we've changed Simon, I feel like our relationship is different, like what we had when we started isn't what we have now, Simon I still like you, very much so. But I have a suspicion that you don't feel the same way." Harry says.

"We haven't changed Harry, I have." Simon says. "Right now I'm not in the mood to talk about this, Harry I'm not breaking up with you, but right now, I can't have this conversation. Please just leave me alone." Simon starts to walk away.

"I understand, but promise me we'll sort this out, please!" Harry says. Simon looks back and grabs Harrys hands. "I know your thinking that because I don't want to see you right now I'm leading us into some sort of break, Harry I want to make things work, I need this time alone, please don't worry."

The words were lies, because Simon wasn't sure if he wanted to try to make things work, he can't deny the emptiness Je gets sometimes when he's around Harry. But for some odd reason, he still has an attachment to Harry in some way, because he can't seem to break it off.

Simon starts to walk away, ready to ditch the party. He had stuff to sort out. His feelings, and also the stupid plan he had agreed to. How had be got himself stuck in a position where he had to go with Ashley to a wedding?

"I'll see you soon Simon," Harry says, his voice low. Simon chooses not to reply, and instead just walks back home in the cold night.

Harry on the other hand, stood still on the driveway, wondering what was going on with Simon, and how he could possibly make him happier.