speak | minishaw

epilogue - 67

Dear Harry,

This is the final goodbye note, the other one was an apology, a note that had no meaning for forgiveness, but a note to admit the mistakes I made and finalise out break up before I had made my drastic decision, this way we've officially broken up, and I'm not holding you down for the rest of your life.

You know by now that I've killed myself, and don't be surprised that I did, my life has been a mess since I was born, maybe I was the curse that split my family up and made them leave me all alone, I was lucky enough to have friends that took me under their wing, sheltered me in the times I needed it most.

I'm just another sad teenage boy who failed at life, I had ruined it from the beginning, instead of working out my problems I drank at clubs, went on massive hunger strikes until I needed something and I ate everything only to throw it up later, I smoke the cigarettes so quickly that I'd be buying another packet the same day, I experimented with drugs to hallucinate weird things that took me away from the sad depths that is human life.

I enjoyed the time we had together, the moments that we spent when the love was still real, before I fell for another boy who remain unknown, if you do find out about the person I did have a screw relationship with, please try to sort out your issues rather than hating him.

You were like my first true love, and while it didn't last long, I don't regret the time I had with you, thanks for being so kind and considerate, stay adorable, stay you, I was the shittiest boyfriend you could ask for, hopefully in the future there will be a guy who can treat you like you deserve to be treated, because your amazing.

I'm sorry things had to end this way, I'm sorry I'm such a failure that I bailed out on life.

Tell Callum, Josh and JJ that I truly miss them, especially the boys, I would hate to know how they are doing.

- yours truly, simon minter

Dear Callum,

I'm sorry we couldn't ever do much more with our relationship we had formed, the times we spent with one another were good, and I'm sad that we couldn't be together, much like Romeo and Juliet, you know? Both love each other and ended up dying at the end. Well, I hope you don't die, I'd hate for you to end your life when you have so much to live for. Before you start cursing in your head about me making a stupid decision then know that my life was over a long time ago, before the suicidal thoughts.

I liked you a lot, and while I know our relationship was toxic due to the complications with your cousin, I almost don't regret my time with you, because you made me feel special at times, you were similar to me, Harry always had his differences, you didn't judge the ash tray lying beside my bed, fuck you understood the addiction of cigarettes. You gulped down the alcohol and you found yourself sad and lonely in bars waiting upon arrival of a better opportunity. You knew about one sided love and you convinced me to dye my hair silver, a change I did like.

If things do come out about our relationship, please don't ignore him, I want you guys to work it out, I'm gone now, the relationship I had with both of you doesn't need to hang over your head like a rainy cloud, I know things might become weird, especially since Harry was being lied to about your life and about mine.

Falling in love with you isn't a mistake, and it wasn't a choice, but it was chaos.

- yours truly, simon minter

Dear Josh and JJ,

Writing this letter is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because I don't honestly know how I can capture years and years of amazing friendship into a short letter wishing you a safe life.