speak | minishaw

52

Today didn't feel good, he felt stupid, like a fucking idiot.

It felt good at the time, doing such a thing, last night it confirmed what he felt, the way Cal made him feel was so evident in his brain. His boy changed him, made him crazy, made him feel more alive than ever.

The guilt cloud rained over his head, lately seeming like it would never go away, it was wrong, letting someone else be there, so close to you when your still in a relationship, it was foggy what they were right now. Harry still loved Simon, he had adored that boy from the start, Simon found himself attracted to the boy, but he felt as if he had tried to quickly.

You see, without Harry, he didn't have a loving companion, when he came along, he did. Simon never would admit it, it's not like him to do such a thing, but he always dreamed about having a partner that was there for life, the one who would be there in his bed every morning and every night. The one who you never got sick of.

Simon kicked of the sheets, trying not to disturb the still sleeping boy beside him, he pulled on some pants, not wanting to be fully nude, he walks over to his draws, taking out a cigarette that laid in the packet, he stumbled around, looking for his lighter, not being where it usually was, he turns around to his bed, noticing a small bright yellow colour laying at the end of the bed.

That was his lighter.

He sat down on the bed, the weight dipping it slightly as the lights up the flame, he positions his cigarette near the flame, enlightening it to now someone that could kill him, something that was deadly. He never really saw the hatred for it, you will die eventually.

They say smoking is a slow killer, but why not? Ever stop to think that you could be hit by a car randomly, then poof, your life is gone. After you die, your brain shuts down and dies, left rotten in your grave. You won't have to regret the choices you made, you'll be dead.

So why do people look at it as such a hate crime?

Simon placed it in between his lips, he inhaled, the feeling hitting him, he breathed in, the smoke exhaling from out of his mouth, emitting the horrible smell to some, and luxury to others around the tiny room. The smell of smoke made the boy behind him stir quietly, he squinted an eye, seeing a back facing him.

He sat up, his eyes blurry, he blinked multiple times to regain 20/20 vision, at last, he was greeted the sight of Simon, smoking a cigarette in front of him.

He takes it out of his mouth, letting him have one puff of the cigarette, Simon smiles, feeling good about Cal being care free, Harry hated it, thought it was a waste of money and basically a death wish. Maybe he was right though, because Simon sometimes thought the option of not having to live was better than the option she had now.

Cal liked the taste, he craved cigarettes like no other, he was worse than Simon,but he did it so sneakily, not wanting people to know what he did. Simon was lucky enough to know, having become so close to Callum, he enjoyed it, how they could smoke around one another without judging looks, it was apart of their character, they couldn't change it.

Addictions are like fire, it build up over time, and when you want to stop, it takes forever, and sometimes your too late, and you know your fucked. Fires do that, they spread over time, the larger it spreads, the harder it is to put out, and by the time you do, people can be dead. Most addicts, they don't escape the fire they created.

Simon takes the cigarette of him, having a few more puffs before putting it out on the ashtray.

He looks over to Callum, his eyes staring into his, he smiles, and so does Callum, his was more of a grin. Callum was still bare of any clothing. He didn't seem to care much, he was mostly still wrapped up in Simons sheet, however Callum missed the warmth of Simons body, so he decided to change that.

He crawled up onto Simons lap, wrapping his arms around his neck, going in for a kiss, Simon didn't deny it, he let it happen, he kissed back. There was one of his other addictions, kissing. Such a staple thing in today's world, but he loved it, he loved the feeling of soft lips on his, he liked how it made him feel like he was something, that someone wanted him.

Simon hands rested on Callum's hips, he enjoyed every moment of it, they both where aware that this was going to go no further than a make out, but that didn't stop them. They simple enjoyed the few minutes of affection they were given.

"I love you," Cal breathed, so close to Simons ear that he felt his hot breathe on his skin.

Simon looked at him uncomfortably. "I won't make you say it back, don't worry."

He was calm. Not wanting to say it, that would make him feel worse, he had already had sex with his cousin. Saying I love you, that would be a low blow.

Their lips rejoined again.

It caught up to them though, when Simons door was no longer shut, and was instead now creeping open, to where Josh and JJ were standing in the hallway, no one could've hidden themselves in half a second, so Callum was on full display when JJ and Josh walked into the room. It was an eyesight, seeing their friend with a random boy they didn't know sitting on his lap. Kissing. Simon half naked. The unknown was fully.

"Simon, what the fuck is going on?"