living

late

Some nights my Boyfriend calls me so we can talk since it's kinda hard to show expression in text sucks right but we call on some nights. I love him a lot i really do but i don't know how to explain what's been happening it's not him i know ima sound HELLA cliche but it's me it's actually me.
   I don't know at this point on words like trust and shit and im not going to the like that towards him because i can't be like that. Sometimes he doesn't understand and i get that i get it but sometimes it's literally easy to understand but he doesn't and that makes me feel as if he isn't trying any more as if he has lost interest towards me he tells me he loves me and that he will always and that he likes talking to me but i question it sooo much i always question it. As you can see i have trust issues. always had them. I always had a tough time trusting him with those kind of situations because my last relationship was a drain and we were the water. our conversation went from talking for hours to silent thoughts. He found someone new i believed he did i became like any other worried concerned girlfriend i searched to see if he has and from all i found he did. He lied to me about times he said he was busy when he was just talking to her. He lied about even the little things but i should have caught it, it was the start of the relationship just fading. I kept thinking i wasn't good enough, still till this day.
   My relationship now i feel the same effects but it's worse because i keep listening to the negatives more than i did in before i keep second guessing myself to trust at this point and it sucks ass just everything and the thoughts just keep building up.