living

ahaha

It stung a lot at first kinda still really does ummm i feel to be honest i don't know how i feel i have lots of running thoughts and it sucks and hell does it hurt. Last night was probably one of the worst nights of my life. Feelings suck you know. Ummm i kinda just didn't know what to do but ayee at least i wasn't alone i guess i had two pals to "comfort" me i guess i don't know. i don't know. Ummm i'm trying to find humor into this but umm ahah i was wrong it wasn't going to be September but October was it. if you don't know what i mean by that then it's related to the last chapter. Life just really fucking sucks at the moment. It came out of the blue. I really kinda thought things were going good. God i'm such a fucking idiot. Omg and the tears come again. i hate the tears being sad i hate it but it's part of i guess human beings i guess. sigh. I'm so fucking stupid. I really thought he loved me. Last night was a blurry mess i wanted to just lowkey leave to be honest just leave nothing was stopping me anymore the one thing that did is now gone so what's the point anymore about it. Fuck. it's starting to hurt more again. I need some rest. but i can't sleep. I can't fucking sleep. No matter how many times my friends told a me to sleep no matter how many songs are out there i couldn't sleep for shit. High key wish i could just go back in time or some shit to slap myself. I hate myself so much. It was a long night. It couldn't get any worse to be honest. I hate this so much i hate this i hate myself i hate life and the worst part is of all this i don't hate him i can't hate him for telling me he did and that he really does when he didn't... And that's replaying in my mind over and over and fucking over again that the day before yesterday he said he really loved me. I hate myself for getting too comfortable with him. God i'm so fucking. i'm such a fucking idiot. I just wanna go. Leave. I can't handle this right now. anymore. Life sucks. Crying sucks. But i can't seem to stop. My chest hurts. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. i just can't seem to find a good thing. It starting to hurt a lot again. I hate myself. I'm such a fucking idiot.