the channel {fillie}

THE ENDING

CHAPTER TWENTY: goodbye

-
Finn

I opened the door.

The air up here was dusty and musky but, it was comforting in a way.

Even after all this time.

Unconsciously a small smile found its way onto my lips at the familiar warmth.

Pushing the rest of my body up the attic opening, I stood up and looked around. It was strange to not see them even after all these years.

To not see her.

I may not be able to see them or talk to her now but, I knew she was always with me. I felt in my heart. I could just sense her presence by me and, I often found myself talking to her. I liked to think she was talking back to me too.

"Hey mills," I greeted quietly, sitting down on the couch, my eyes roaming all around the old and untouched space.

After everything had happened my parents and almost everyone was informed as to what I had been doing but, most importantly what I had proven. My mother was beyond angry at putting myself in danger but, I knew she didn't have the heart to scold me when she saw how heartbroken I was.

It hurt for a while.

There was always a constant ache that had settled in my chest and I cried for a lot of it.

I was grieving and it had sucked.

Noah and the rest of them were still some how my friends; even after everything I had put them through. And for what reason? I'll never know.

But I was grateful.

They'd often help pull me out of bed and just in general console me. "Sometimes I think I still see her," I remember saying once.

"She's in a better place...you know that Finn. I mean-you didn't want her trapped here didn't you?"

"Of course not!" I snapped and guilt curled in my gut at Maddie's hurt looks. "It's just..." I continued softly. "I just miss her okay? She's been with me for sixteen years and for her not to be here with me anymore..." the tears welled and I hated it.

Why couldn't I just stop crying already!

"It just hurts so much. I feel broken sometimes-like a part of me is missing," I softly sobbed. "She was like-like my soulmate or something."

Everyone became quiet at that.

Noah was the first to talk again. "You promised her Finn... you have to try. It won't always hurt so much."

And he was right.

After a brutal couple months it didn't hurt to think of her. Instead I smiled at the memories we shared.

I thought about her less and less as the months went on but I never forgot her.

My love for her never faded.