I'm sat here at my desk, with my curtains closed, just so my neighbours can't see me, feeling rather lethargic.
I'm not sure if it's the product of stress but I've been easily frustrated and triggered for the past few days. My trials are coming, the exam that's supposed to determine which path I'll be taking is nearing, my results, well, still like that.
My calendar's in front of me, on a stack of books that I aim to finish before my exams. And there's a picture of my young self, in an envelope, staring right back at me.
"Love, please study, please do your work, please don't be lazy, please stay motivated." The message conveyed through the eyes of my three year old self. And sometimes I feel like crying while staring into her eyes.
She has grown up to be such a confused girl that sometimes want to pack up and leave, travel to another country, be another face in the crowd. She has grown up to long for anonymity. And here she is typing away because she's tired as heck.
It's only Thursday, only the third day of August, only two more weeks to trials, only about hundred days to her big exam.
Why have I grown to long for rains, for the downpour that wets the earth, for water to splatter on roofs and glasses, for vision to be hindered from the heavy downpour. Rain has now become my sense of belonging and assurance, but the sunshine is sometimes still favourable.
But I'm still sat here at my desk, taking 10 minutes away from my study schedule to type this. Pretty sure I'll regret this later, but forgive me, I'm just exhausted and looking for ventilation.
Saturday, please make your stay longer. I crave for lasagna and sushi and pizza. Saturday, one of it is enough to keep my cravings controlled.
Sunday, please let me sleep in. My eyelids are drooping and my eye bags are getting bigger. My acne is getting worse. Please take some load off me. Oh, my eczema is back as well. Please help me.
Love, stay strong.
