Fix Me // Jamilton

Chapter 9: Groceries and Sleep

- THOMAS' POV -
Alex and I walk with our ice cream to the grocery store since we have no food at the dorm. I grab a cart and start walking through the aisles.

"Well... we need milk, eggs and bread for sure.." I mutter to myself, trying to think of the essentials before getting other stuff.

"Is little Tommy talking to himself?" Alex smirks as he puts butter and cheese in the cart.

"You know, Mr. Smart Ass, it's proven that people who talk to themselves have a higher IQ level. You should try it sometime." I joke and he playfully punched my shoulder. We scan the aisles and grab fruit and veggies, milk, bread, eggs and meats. When we have the essentials down, we go to the snack aisle.

"Ooh!" He says, grabbing a bag of pretzels and a bag of goldfish. I toss some Double Stuff Oreos into the cart. I spot a gold mine and start walking quickly away.

"Hey! Slow down! Short person here!" Alex says, chasing after me. I stop the cart in front of the second love of my life: macaroni and cheese.

"Thomas, you've got to be shitting me." He says, looking sort of disappointed with me.

"Alexander Hamilton, macaroni and cheese is the best food to bless our mortal taste buds." I say, faking shock at his reaction.

"Whatever." He rolls his eyes and I put about 6 boxes in the cart.

"Are we ready?" I ask him, walking to the freezer section where he's standing, looking at Ben and Jerry's pints of ice cream.

"I was thinking... well, when I have a depressive episode, I don't really eat unless it's easy access and I don't have to cook, and I tend to eat sorta junk, so I sorta..." he trails off and turns around. I see him holding a few pints and some packaged snacks.

"That's fine, love. Put them all in the cart before they fall out of your arms!" I tell him, kissing his forehead. He's still very hesitant about telling me about his anxiety and depression. Whenever he says something related to it, I focus in more than usual and try to go his way. The thoughts are the same: make him happy because he NEEDS to be. I don't want him ending up back in the hospital.

*time skip to the dorm a week later*

"You hungry, Alexander?" I ask, about to cook some chicken and vegetables in the oven.

"No... I'm not hungry right now." He says hesitantly. I make a little extra in case he does get hungry.

"Alright. But when was the last time you ate something?" I ask, slightly concerned about how pale and thing he was getting.

"Umm..." he says, thinking.

"Alexander, when?" I demand.

"Lunch on Thursday, I think?" It was Sunday. I gasped a little.

"Alex, classes start tomorrow and you need to have energy! You haven't eaten in nearly 4 days!" I say, a little angry at myself for not noticing he wasn't eating.

"That's what coffee is for! Energy! I've had that, it makes me feel full." He says, clearly oblivious of what he was doing to himself.

"Fine. But next time you're hungry, you'll tell me and you'll eat. I don't want you to be landed in the hospital for anorexia!" I say. He nods and flops on the couch. He has his laptop like always, and he's typing away at an essay he emailed Washington about. Classes haven't even started and he's already doing work. I can tell he's close to a depressive episode: unfortunately his are unavoidable. Even taking his pills, and trying to do things that make him happy, his depression is always there.

"Alex, I think you need to get some rest." I say to him, noting the dark bags under his eyes.

"Just let me write a few more pages, and then I'll try to sleep." He says, barely glancing up from his computer.