CHANGE OF HEART. → wolfstar

twelve

Sirius Black untied his hair after the celebratory hugs at the end of their game. Their team, Gryffindor University Lions, had won by two goals, and as he walked off the field, Sirius shook his hair out over his eyes. The crowds were starting to part, besides friends and family of winning team memebers, and a few desperate girls longing to get Sirius' number. 'You don't have a dick! You're not going to get anywhere!' he wanted to tell them, but instead he just put up with it and went over to Lily and James instead.

He was almost beside James when he saw the look on all their faces. They both looked a little bit nervous, and some other kid was standing beside them. If he was making James or Lily uncomfortable, Sirius was definitely going to sort it out.

''Hey, what's going on here?'' He asked, stepping between the kid and James. He looked around at them all, and when his eyes fell on the new kid, he narrowed them.

''Um, hey, Sirius. I guess there's something I need to get off my chest.'' Romulus, Remus or whoever the fuck said. Sirius narrowed his eyes and glared.

''Is it your actual identity? Because I'd love to know whether this Romulus thing is a split personality disorder or if you just changed your name.'' Sirius said, and Remus stepped back a bit.

''I, um, was actually coming to apologize. I wanted to say sorry. For all of it.'' He at least had the decency to look uncomfortable. When people were nervous, it made Sirius more confident, and so he glared a bit more. ''Can we talk somewhere more private?"

Sirius considered Remus' offer. ''Fine. I'll be back.'' He said, the last part to a nervous, lip-biting James, before Sirius let himself be led off to another side of the field, Remus leading him away.

When they were at the opposite side of the pitch, their back against the bleachers and their eyes trained on the just-forming stars, a heavy silence fell over them.

''I didn't mean for it to drag out,'' Remus said, breaking the quiet. Sirius shook his head.

''I shouldn't even be considering forgiving you,'' Sirius said, hanging his head, his eyelashes long black splashes against his cheeks. Remus looked thoroughly uncomfortable. Sirius felt thoroughly uncomfortable.

''Then why are we talking?'' Remus asked, and Sirius turned to him, his eyes full of anger, or frustration, or annoyance, or all of the above. Sirius felt torn between kissing him and killing him. There stood Remus Lupin, Sirius' sworn enemy, his jumper shitty and old, his cheeks red and his eyes watery. His lips were so full, Sirius noted, and his eyes looked so clear. Sirius hated that he loved it.

''Because I do forgive you! I forgave you all those years ago! I felt like shit, I knew you did, I would've done anything to have you smile at me the way you do at Lily. I just want you to not hate me, Remus! I don't care if you don't like me, just please,'' Sirius begged, his eyes flashing and his face flushed as he shouted at a stunned Remus, ''don't hate me anymore.''

Remus closed his eyes then, his golden-brown curls falling over his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his skinny waist. Sirius sometimes wondered whether he ate enough, if he was healthy enough.

Then Remus let out a long, shaky breath before opening his beautiful, honey eyes.

''I don't hate you, Sirius. I don't loathe you. I don't want you to die. I don't even want to think about you dying.'' He let out a bitter laugh and rung his hands together, as if he was nervous. Remus met his eyes finally, and Sirius could see hope in them.

''Then what do you want?'' Sirius asked, almost a whisper.

Remus kept looking at him as he stepped forward. They were bare inches apart. Sirius didn't move away. ''I want to hold your hand.'' He said, his eyes trailing to Sirius' lips. ''I want to kiss your neck.''

Sirius kept his gaze steady as his mind went off in a thousand lights and sounds. Outside his head, it was quiet all around. Inside his head, it was a battleground. It was pure chaos. ''Then do it,'' Sirius said, and Remus' cheeks were scarlet as he leaned in, and Sirius closed his eyes just before he felt soft lips press against his own.

It wasn't like the kisses he'd shared with random boys along the way, it wasn't like that at all. This kiss was like he was standing in the middle of a battlefield and all the guns were going off but nothing was hitting him. It was chaos, it was incredible, it was scary, and it was the best feeling he'd ever felt.

Sirius put his hand to the back of Remus' neck, his fingers tangling in his soft curls. His arm slid around Remus' waist, and he couldn't suppress the noise he'd made when Remus' tongue slid over his bottom lip. Sirius pressed his body against Remus, who backed against the bleacher gate, and they worked in unison, and Sirius had never felt more weightless.

-.-.-

Remus felt fireworks. He felt flames and stars and all those clichés that came with kissing someone you had waited so long to kiss.

He didn't care if it was cliché; Remus felt so alive.

Sirius' eyes were dilated so much that the usual radiant silver was almost gone by the black of his pupil. Sirius' cheeks were flushed, his lips red, and his eyes so startled that Remus couldn't help but smirk.

''Why are you looking so smug for?'' Sirius scowled, and Remus laughed delightedly.

''Because I've never seen you look so shocked after a kiss.'' Remus replied, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

''I didn't expect you to be that experienced.'' Sirius said, and Remus laughed again.

''Hating you wasn't my only hobby in high school.'' He said, and Sirius raised an eyebrow and grinned, and Remus smiled back.

They sat down after a while, their back against the bleachers and their clothes slowly soaking through with the wet grass. The sky was twilight blue, a dark and deep indigo like a bruise. Sirius' hand was resting on Remus' knee, and Remus was trying not to stare at Sirius' mouth for too long at a time.

''You know, you're not so much of a git after all,'' Remus said, looking up at him. He had wanted to say something else, something more permanent, something that contained three words and was more meaningful than this. But Sirius smiled like he'd been given some sort of miracle, and Remus felt glad he'd chosen the right words.

Sirius looked at him, his black hair falling in his silvery eyes. Remus waited for him to speak. ''You're not too bad yourself.'' He said finally, and Remus smiled. It was exactly the sort of reply he'd wanted. He pulled Sirius in again, and he was so happy that they were finally together, finally happy, and for once they were kissing each other's necks rather than clawing at them. It was a big change of heart, but in that moment, to Remus, it felt right, and that was all that mattered.

-.-.-

a/n- I THINK IM DONE!! idk if this is actually the end or what, but i think im finished this one for now! thanks for readng and please keep voting, your votes are actually my favourite omg 

also maybe a new fic and name change and all of that? who knows ily keep happy friends drink water n be with people who arent toxic xo thank you all