breathe me (e.dolan)

five

"You know what? I hate movies that portray coma's as a beautiful thing. Like the ghost of the person in a coma is actually sitting in the hospital room, deciding whether or not to wake up or succumb to their injuries.

I hate how it's all so romanticized; how someone gets into a car crash but somehow falls into a coma with only a few scratches on their face, still looking healthy, and amazing, and alive... and so unlike you. How all their loved ones mourn their not-quite-dead daughter or brother or partner but in a pretty way, with single teardrops on their cheeks and a support system filled with love and laughing through the tears and the never-wavering hope that you'll definitely wake up some day. And, surprise: they always wake up. Well all of it is a damn lie, and I fucking hate it.

Where's the movie about the boy who had a seizure so bad that the doctors had to induce a coma to give him a fighting chance? Where's the movie about the 17 year old fucking boy that has lost so much weight because he can't eat, and has his mouth held open from tubes going through it, and a bandage on his head and sunken in eyes that used to be so beautiful and alive and green that I haven't seen for weeks? Where's the movie about the heartbroken parents who can't look at their other son's face, because all they can see is the one who's laying in that hospital bed, so quickly slipping away? And the one where the patient doesn't get to be a ghost in the room; doesn't get to decide for themselves if they feel like living or dying because the only version of them that exists is the one that nobody can determine the fate of. And everyone around him is losing hope, losing it so quickly with each second that ticks by and each ugly, messy tear that falls down their cheeks at all hours of the day- damn it, Ethan, wake up! Please wake up, please. I can't- I- I-"

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i love that picture of e ugh my bby boy