breathe me (e.dolan)

epilogue

V IMPORTANT A/N @ THE END <3

Five years later

"It's been a while, you know?" a voice asked from the blackness.

"What?" I asked. As soon as the question left my mouth, the scene shifted, and I found myself sitting in my backyard. To my left, Ethan was laying beside me. The light was blinding, and I had to squint to look at his face for a moment. I felt that warmth again, from the moment I looked up into his eyes, and I finally came to a conclusion: the warmth that wrapped itself around my arms and pulled me in was from the love of my life. The heat of the sun was so insignificant to the fire that Ethan ignited in me.

"It's been a while since you've come to visit me," he said softly, a sad smile on his face. Ethan was wearing a white striped shirt - the same one he'd worn the day he told me he loved me, right before the accident. Only this time, instead of me being the one propped up on my elbow, hovering over Ethan, it was him leaned gently over me.

"I know. I'm sorry. Are you mad?" I asked nervously, trying to resist the urge to reach out and touch his face. "It's just so hard, baby. I feel like I lose another piece of me every time I go there."

"I'm not mad, Pey," he said softly, letting his hand find mine to squeeze it gently. "I just miss you." I closed my eyes at his words, welcoming the feeling of calm that washed over me.

"I miss you too. I love you, Ethan." The words seemed to get lost in the air, and the overwhelming but familiar feeling of loneliness crept up my spine. When I opened my eyes, I was alone. I was in my room.

Without looking at the time, I jumped out of bed. I moved to my closet, pulled on one of Ethan's hoodies that I still kept and wore after all this time. It no longer smelled like him, but when I wore it I could bring myself back to when it still did.

I threw my hair up, kept on my sweatpants and all but sprinted out the door, to my car. I knew what I had to do. The drive was farther away now, but after about a half hour, I finally pulled up to the vast field, filled with coloured flowers and different stones all lined up in uniform rows.

I made my way down the familiar route to Ethan's headstone, my breath still not failing to catch in my throat when my eyes caught sight of the name Ethan Dolan printed across it. The grass below me was wet from the constant rain we'd endured for the past three days, but I sat down anyway, reached my hand out to press my palm flat against Ethan's name.

"Well, I'm sure you know who it is by now," I whispered, my voice weak. "I'd like to believe that it wasn't just my brain that decided to dream you up. I'd like to think it really was you." I stared ahead for a second, unsure of what to say. I hadn't visited Ethan's grave in at least a year. It was still too hard. "I know it's been a long time, I'm sorry. It's just- these things are usually supposed to get easier, you know? But it hasn't with you. I think you were the one I was supposed to end up marrying." I paused, as if waiting for Ethan to suddenly start talking back. Of course, he didn't. "I can't even leave voicemails anymore," I choked out a laugh, "Your number isn't your number anymore. It's disconnected." Another pause, then, "I can't believe you would have been 22 in one month. Maybe if you were still around, Grayson would still celebrate his birthday. I hear that whenever anyone tries to say happy birthday to him, he nearly loses it-"

"It's true," I heard in a voice that was far too similar to Ethan's. I screamed, dropped my hand from Ethan's grave as I whipped my head around to search for the voice. I didn't know why I was really expecting to see Ethan standing there; instead, there was Grayson. His hands were in his hoodie pockets, and he was staring straight down at his twin brother's headstone. His face looked pale, his eyes dark and dull, and I had a feeling that it was a look he'd permanently taken on in the last five years.