breathe me (e.dolan)

nine

"Hey... it's Peyton. Just in case you forgot.

I'm sorry for not calling the past few days. It's just been so hard. Nothing about this has gotten even remotely easier like everyone keeps promising it will. I'm hurting, I feel like I'm fucking suffocating. I need you, Ethan. Pull through this.

The doctor said you're showing slow signs of improvement, but to be honest with you, that doesn't mean anything to me right now. It will continue not to mean shit to me until you're really, truly awake. So please, please pull through it.

Everything I do is tainted by you. I wake up in the morning and still forget that none of them will start with you next to me; that I can't look over and watch you drool on my pillows. I go get coffee and have to stop myself from ordering your usual too, like I used to do every morning before school. I still catch myself waiting for you between classes, during lunch. Waiting for you to run in late, your zipper undone or your eyes extra sleepy, apologizing for whatever made you late. Nothing is the same anymore, Ethan.

You need to pull through this.

I love you so much."