the dm

i've had enough

ethan went to his bed and me and grayson moved from the living room to his bed grayson was already sleeping but i can't fall asleep i am kinda down over what happened i've had these thougts for awhile even tho i've looked happy i am fat i don't deserve to live i really dont want to be here anymore this world would be better without me i can't take it i want to fall asleep here and now and never wake up i want to make them realize how i felt i want somebody to tell me that i was okay but never been good enough

i stood up grayson was still asleep i walk to his bathroom and found a blade thinking is it woth to do this yes it is i'm not wothed even if the boys say so i'm not good enough my body is a mess

i cutted in my skin i counted them but i could only get 4 i started not to see i dropped the blade and walked to bed it felt great maybe if nobody saw it then maybe i will be dead by tomorrow i begin to fall asleep i did but next time i wake up i wake up by ethan yell

-julie wake up-

i got up and walked to my room

-julie what is that on your arm-he said coming in

-get out of my room-i said

-no julie not before you tell me what this is on your arm-

-it's nothing leave-

-only because you are a girl and you are taking off your clothes or then i would have stayed-he said and walked away

i took a shower and took on some clothes

i took my phone and left without letting the boys know i walked down to the beach just because i walked around just walking but at the end i walked home to bryce and mikey

-hey julie wassup-bryce said opening door

-can i come in-

-yeah sure come in-bryce said he was acting alittle wierd but he probably just had a little wierd day

i walked inside took off my shoes i walked into the kitchen and sat down i took up my phone 2 messages from ethan 6 messeges from grayson 2 calls from ethan 5 calls from grayson

-what brings you here julie- bryce asked

-ethan was yelling at me for nothing-i said

-there must be a reason-

-nope nothing-i said and looked down on my hand

-what is that you have on you arm-he asked taking my arm

-nothing-i said and tried to take my arm into myself but he had a hard grab around my arm he took up my sleeve

-what is that julie-he said and looked at me

-nothing just let go-i said he letted go and i pulled down my sleeve

-julie if i ever see that you have done that again i'm gonna make sure you are moving into this house and you will go with us everywhere even when we have to use the restroom-he said and took my arm and walked into mikeys room

-mikey you need to see this-he said mikey was laying on his bed looking at his phone

-wait guys i'm back in a minute-he said and pressed a butten

-mikey you need to look at julies arm-he took up my sleeve again

-julie what are you thinking of you are the most importin girl we know why do you do these tings-he said i was getting crazy but they didn't know everysingle thing i have bee thru these past few months

-okay first of all my parent die then i got raped by my ex then five weeks later i find out i'm pregnat as a 17 year old then he shows of in front of my door then i got him jail coz he tries to kill me then i get an eating disorder then i find out he got paid out then adym breaks my heart i get an depression i pretend i'm okay to not make people think i'm crazy i get up as a strong woman i am but falls again he shows up shoot me in both of my arms then the day after he tries to kidnap me but it was a luck that adym showed up with flowers triyng to say sorry maybe thats why i am like am but nobody sees it-i said and started crying

-hey girl it was not like that i meant it you know we are always here for you-mikey said i and sat down beside him and bryce sat beside me then they both hugged me i never felt more accepted

-julie you can stay over if you want-bryce said

-thanks guys i just needed to say these things out loud-i said and hugged them back

-no problem julie-they both said

continues