Hello, Goodbye

05: Saxon

"You look like a train wreck and you are grounded. Congratulations on life,” he expects his mother to say. But she just hugs him like the happiest mother in the world. She almost crushes the headphones in his bag. “Oh, gosh, sweetheart; are you okay? Where’d you stay last night? With Andy, I hope.” He nods, though, really, he didn’t want to sleep in Andrew’s perfect house, not even in the garage. And, so, he hadn’t. He’d walked home, grabbed some more things, and slept in the backyard.

"I’m fine, ma. Are you angry with me?” The question seems to surprise her. Her features calm, she holds him by his shoulders at arm’s length, tears prickling the corners of her eyes.

“I am not.” She sighs. “Your father, however, may just ground you.” He figures as such, so he stays on the couch, staring at the blank television with glazed over eyes. Thinking about nothing but yet, thinking about everything. The door unlocks. His father walks into his and his wife’s bedroom. He’s out in a matter of moments in simply a tee and sweat pants.

“Saxon, don’t you ever do that again.” He turns away from the couch, speaking to Saxon’s mother, Sax’s eyes peek over the couch. He’s confused.

“Uh, I’m not grounded?” His father sighs and takes a seat next to Saxon, running his hand through his greying hair.  “Because, you know, I thought you’d be angry.”

“Let’s go take a walk. Grab your jacket.” They both meet at the door with hooded jumpers on and decent running shoes. The door clicks shut behind them just as Saxon’s dad reminds his wife to lock the door. “So, I think I know why you had that hissy fit of yours.”

“No.” Saxon stops. They are one block away from their house. He folds his arms over his chest. “You do not know why and you shouldn’t just assume that you do.”

“Don’t stop walking,” he says simply, taking a few steps before tapping his foot impatiently as he waits for Saxon to catch up. “I was the middle child in my family, too, Sax. I know what it feels like to be ignored.” Saxon almost stops again. He balls his hands into fists at his sides. How does he know? “I know that being ignored isn’t the best feeling.”

“It’s the worst.”

“But it isn’t, Sax. There are worse feelings. Like depression, or anxiety.” He breathes out a cloud of cold white air. “We’re your parents, not your personal bodyguards. We don’t have to always be there for you; I mean, just for you.”

“You’re still meant to at least act like you love me.” Saxon feels a big, heavy arm wrapping around him and instantly warming him. His father lets out a chuckle, his breath smelling of stale coffee. His laugh reminds him of his childhood. The memories almost bring tears to his eyes. He might’ve cried, if only he hadn’t remembered that he wanted to be angry.

“We don’t have to act, Saxon. Trust me, your mother and I love you very much – just as much as we love Parker and Jemila. They just become a bit of a handful sometimes, you know? You probably wouldn’t, though. I’m just glad that I have a responsible child, at least just one.”

“Did you see me last night?” he asks, a smile creeping onto his lips.

“Yeah. And I can tell that you know that home is the safest place to be. Do you know why it’s safe?” He does, but he doesn’t say anything. “Because there’s love in a home. We love you, just remember that next time you run away into this cold air.”

“It was freezing.”

“I would think so,” he replies, squeezing the arm around his son and pulling them closer to each other.