Hello, Goodbye

20: Grace

 { unedited }

His reassurance make her feel warm inside, makes her feel happy, despite her brother’s disappearance. She wants to find him, no matter how annoying he is and no matter how much grief he gives her for liking Saxon the way she does. But now, with her head nestled in between his cheek and shoulder, she can’t ask for anything better.

“I believe you,” she is about to say when the bus stops. She pulls herself away from Saxon and reaches a hand down to him after standing. He smiles at her and takes her hand, holding it gently. She pushes herself closer to him. There’s a beauty and warmth about Saxon which makes her happy and hopeful, and urges her to draw closer to him.

“Quick trip,” he observes as they depart the bus. The roar of the traffic stuns Grace momentarily. “Weird – only a few cars actually go far down that road enough to get to our neighbourhood,” he says, pointing down the road they’d ridden up. The bus is travelling back the way it’d come. Grace checks her phone for the time.

“It was half an hour,” she says, mostly to herself.

“Yes. But the view was beautiful.” Grace looks up at him and his eyes are twinkling. She smiles and he smiles. “I mean you,” he adds. Heat creeps into her cheeks and she knows that she is blushing, but she doesn’t care. This is Saxon, she reminds herself, be comfortable. He squeezes her hand.

“Now. We search.” She feels anxious, full of nerves. He could be here, he could be on the other side of the world. Cars honking and raging traffic could mean anything.

“It’s okay. I’m sure he’s somewhere nearby. Remember what I said? He wouldn’t leave even the state without you, Grace.” Somehow, his voice relaxes her slightly, as well as the way he softly caresses her hand with his thumb. They walk up and down streets without prevail, searching for a lanky homeless boy with sleek black hair and faded denim jeans.

“He left without a note, Sax, maybe he doesn’t want to be found.” He pulls her to a halt and releases her hand, grabbing her two shoulders instead, but very gently. Like Grace is a delicate porcelain doll.

“Don’t tell yourself that. Stop doubting that we’ll find him because I know that we will. He wants to be found, deep down.” She wonders why he keeps on reassuring her, telling her that Anthony will be found – that he wants to be found.

“You don’t know that, Saxon. At five, we’re turning around and going back home, okay? And not looking for him again.” She knows that she’s being ridiculous – she can’t just abandon her brother, her rock. The only person she properly trusts, wholeheartedly.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he says, echoing her thoughts, as he releases her shoulders and grabs her hand again. But, she silently protests, I want to be ridiculous, I want to see how long I can go without Anthony, with only you to hold onto.

He is asleep on a park bench. By the time they’d found him, the sun was starting to sprout radiant beams of orange and red. They were on their way to the bus stop to wait for a ride home, when Saxon spotted a figure lying on a bench, dark hair hovering over closed eyes. He wore denim jeans and a grey polo.

“I didn’t think he’d be the one to come with you to find me,” he says now, bitterness in his tone. He’s looking at Saxon with suspicion in his eyes and Saxon is constantly averting his gaze to the nature around them. He taps Grace lightly on the shoulder, avoiding Anthony’s steely gaze, as the bus rides into view.

“Anthony –” Grace begins, referring to what her brother had said moments before.

“It’s alright,” Saxon says quickly, his voice sheepish. The bus stops in front of them, the same bus driver tiredly driving the bus. He offers them a quick jerk of the corners of his lips. “Grace,” Saxon breathes into her ear as he takes her hand and leads the two of them to a seat. Anthony sits in front of them. “He hates me,” Saxon whispers into her ear.