Hello, Goodbye

10: Grace

{ unedited }

“Are going to stay for dinner, or?” Her mother had left only a few moments before. They had just started packing up their stuff.

“I’ll text my mum,” he says, casual as ever. Inside, Grace is freaking out. She’s wondering if everything about her is creeping him out. She shares a bedroom with her brother and mother. He tripped over her brother’s makeshift bed, for crying out loud! And her mother hadn’t noticed him until she walked into her room and saw the two of them sitting side-by-side on her bed. A gush of wind blows in from the window.

She stands and closes it. He has his phone out and is typing in a text to his mum. “I can stay,” he says after a while. She stares at him for a moment.

“Is dinner ready, Anthony?”

“Ten minutes, Grace!” he responds, his voice loud and clear. His voice has a hint of a Korean accent. Maybe because he’d spent the past few years with his horrible-at-English father.

“You’re not a mystery, are you?” she asks Saxon, shifting her body so that she faces him, though she faces his side. He also twists around, their eyes locking. She looks away first.

“I’m simple,” he replies with a grim smile. “People can figure me out straight away when they first talk to me.” She shrugs a little bit, tracing the folds in the blue blanket beneath them with her small index finger.

“I couldn’t. There’s more to you than the obvious.” He chuckles, and nods in an almost sarcastic manner. “I’m not joking around, Sax. You’re so well put together, it’s crazy. It makes you seem perfect. But everyone has their imperfections. You can’t work out yours straight away.”

“My imperfections,” he says, a wide grin covering his face. “What are they, Grace?”

“You don’t think about your actions. You don’t plan.” He nods.

“Does anyone?” Their eyes meet again, forcing the two of them into a staring contest. “Life is spontaneous, we have to learn how to make choices out of the blue.”

“My mum plans,” she replies. “She’s a very definitive planner – she plans everything to the T.” He nods a little bit. “I’m sorry, Saxon, I’m just so used to plans.”

“No, you’re right. I’m not a planner. I do things spontaneously, crossing the bridge when I get there.” He releases a breath slowly. His sweet blue eyes search her plain brown. “I just don’t want to be disappointed when things don’t happen the way I want them to.”

“Saxon, disappointments are bound to occur. That’s a part of life.” The sizzling from the kitchen dies down. Glass hits glass.

“I know,” he says, his lips pressed into a straight line. “I just want to minimise the risk, you know? I know what disappointment feels like; what betrayal feels like. I’ve had girls dump me, and I dumped one because they cheated on me. Betrayal, Grace. I know. I don’t want it anymore, so I just don’t plan ahead.”

“You can’t plan ahead in relationships, anyway. And because of that, they’re hazardous.” He slides himself closer to her. She twists her body again so that she is facing away from him, her side to his face. She stares out of the doorway. She outstretches her legs in front of her, removing them from their tight cross-legged position. He follows suit. The two of them sit beside each other, after moving closer.

She nudges her head into the crevice between his neck and jawline. “Hazardous but worth it,” he mumbles. She feels his warm breath on her forehead, warming her up. She wants to tell him everything; that she wants to trust him but can’t, that she’s bound to fall for him – and hard, and that she can’t put him through the pain that she will eventually cause him. But in this moment, which only lasts for a few seconds, not either one of them says a thing. Because who willingly breaks beautiful things?