Summer Love

O N E // Good Bye

"Don't cry, Caitlyn! It's not like you won't see me ever again. It's just 5 months!"

I'm not gonna lie, 5 months does seem like a long time. And I'm sure gonna miss my best friend more than she's gonna miss me. This is the longest time we're gonna be apart since 5th grade. I feel the tears about to fall but I wipe them off just before Caitlyn sees it. I don't wanna see and make her miserable before I leave. I want to keep the vibe light and happy. Having a crying session wouldn't really help so instead,I hug her then tickle her.

"Stop it, Stacey!" She says with a giggle and tries to tickle me back.

"It's just that this is the longest time we're gonna be apart and I wanted to make the most of summer with you before we go to different colleges." I felt a slight sting in my chest when she said different colleges. The thought of going to college terrifies me. The thought of going to college without Caitlyn terrifies me even more. I can't imagine having to deal with an entirely different group of people. Don't get me wrong, I love meeting new people. But because I have absolutely no idea how my new community is gonna be like, I am terrified.

"Believe me, I'm gonna miss you more than you're gonna miss me. I'm so sorry I won't get to spend summer with you but I promise, I will update you with everything that happens to me in the next 5 months. Promise me that you'll do the same."

She hugs me then says, "I promise. Don't you dare forget about me or replace me for cooler American kids, okay???"

"As long as they're not extremely cute American boys, then we're good." She playfully hits me on my right arm right away. Instead of hitting her back, i hug her tight. I'm really gonna miss her.

Beep. Beep.

"Nooooooo!! I think that's my ride. I have to go Stace." I couldn't help it, I burst out crying.

"Hey, who's crying now? Stop crying, you're making me cry. We already had a deal. Everything's gonna be alright. Better, even."

She hugged me so tight, I almost couldn't breathe.

"I love you, Cait."

"I love you too, Stace. Don't miss me too much!" She said while running towards their car.

"You know I can't promise you that!" I waived good bye until I can't see her car anymore.

When I went back inside the house, my mom hugged me.

"It's gonna be fine, Stacey. Maybe you should go sleep already. We're waking up early tomorrow."

I guess she noticed that I didn't take it very well.

"Thanks mom, I will. Good night!"

I walk to my room, wash my face, then lie down on my bed.

"This is it." I told myself.

My last night in the Philippines. Well temporarily, at least.

I have so many thoughts running through my mind and it won't let me sleep.

Part of me is stoked. Part of me is afraid.

Stoked, because I've been wanting to go to the US since I was a little kid.

I dreamt of going to Disney Land to see the Princesses, especially Aurora. I remember pretending to be asleep just to see if my prince will come and kiss me to wake me up. He never came. But my mom and dad did his job. They kissed me on the cheek and told me "Wake up, princess." And in that moment, I thought I was a real princess. But then I grew up. Believed less in fairytales.

When I turned 13 I wanted to become a celebrity. I admired people in Hollywood and I've been wanting to see them in person. I also dreamt of being discovered, one way or another and I thought that going to the US would help me with that. But then, again, I grew up some more. Believed less in that dream.

When I turned 17 and became a senior high school student, when I had to fill up college application forms, it hit me. I'm not gonna be a princess nor a celebrity anytime soon. Might as well live in the real world now and figure out what would be best for me.

And that's what I'm afraid of.

After this 5 month break, I'm going to college. I got into my dream university but I'm still terrified. What if I made the wrong decision? What if my dream doesn't turn out to be the best for me?

I try to shake off the thought. Clear my head. I still have 5 months to prepare myself. I can do this. I hope.