Red Verses Blue X readers And Ships!!!

A/N

Lying awake, I only gazed out the window. The rain falling from the sky and pooling onto the ground was always an event I liked to enjoy. It always seemed to create a place of serenity, whereas I couldn't be often. The analog clock setting on my cubical shelf, along side a few items scattered, read 1:53 am. Over my ears were headphones, music playing through. I tried closing my eyes and waiting for the music to carry me away into a land where dreams would ever so slightly aid in my escape of the world around me. The streetlights that glowed an orange hue strayed their light in through my window, creating a silhouette of the poles that held the metal stairs and walkway above. the silent pitter patter of the rain was unheard by me, for I cared not to listen. I cared that I had to make a decision, I cared deeply that I may regret something I had no control over. Deep down I knew it was right, but at the time it had not seemed so. The three begged me to stay, to help them through this, but I couldn't agree. I knew what it was like to be in their shoes, alone and afraid, they had put me in that situation that night. Scared, shaking, crying, I couldn't help it for it was instinctual. That day just wasn't a good day, everything was out of place. Nothing was right. Even today the tears still lie behind strong eyes, a figure slowly beginning to crumble over the weight of things pressuring them. Stress and worry were the worst. I didn't know what was to come of these people I had chosen to leave behind, perhaps they wouldn't be there upon my return. Maybe they will be gone, who knows. The days will move slower, I knew this, sneaking around against my parents' words was unwise, and just that day I had been reminded how my older brother had turned out to be. Something about hearing that had created a lump in my throat and tears ready to splurge down my cheeks. It may have been because I missed him, maybe because I knew I'd never see him again. I sat every day waiting for someone with no intentions for returning home, and that evening I told a special friend 'Don't wait for me'. I knew what it was like to wait every day, hoping to see someone again, and I hadn't wanted the same pain to be plaguing her mind. So much of me was missing when I finally gave up, I'm still trying to put the pieces back together. I left for a reason, it's a selfish reason, but I felt like it was appropriate to do so. I left because I can't help these people, no matter what I do, nothing works. I can't help someone who is unwilling, I can't help where none is wanted and I knew this. A person can only do so much for a person lost in the dark. I tried being their light, guiding them through the mess of events we call life. I just feel like they got lost during our travel, and I couldn't find them anymore. How was I supposed to be pure and caring when I myself am imperfect? I may have had some troubles during my life so far, but I can't say what the others had been through. I'm not them, I can't live their lives for them, I'm not a perfect person, I overreact to everything and eventually I won't be here anymore. Either I would have had enough or I would have succeeded in life and letting go. I can't say for certain what is going through their minds, but I hope it isn't the thought that it's their fault, because it's not. It's me knowing when I can't. I can't be there, I can't save them if I can't even save myself. I'm just falling with them, when I have to become the savior I will know, but then wasn't the time. I thought I could and all I could do was cry and shake. So all I needed to do was leave. I signed out of everything, I deleted the apps, and now I post this to tell everyone, everyone who'll listen to me, you have too much in store for you to end it all. I'll say what a good friend had said to me. Don't get a knife gun rope or something and put an end to something too soon. It's just a bad day, not a bad life, just breathe. You'll be okay, just look at the bright side. There is always going to be a bright side, you just have to look and stay positive. And you know who you are when you read this, so I'll say it one last time. I love you, stay strong, look out for yourself, and Goodbye. <3

~AgentOhio53