Today, Forever, And Always

21.

After Hawaii
Annie's POV
Hawaii was amazing. But lately the things I've been keeping in are slowly getting to me. I haven't been myself. And it's becoming obvious more and more everyday. I haven't been getting out of bed. I've been ignoring Hayden. All I do is stay up all night watching old videos with Caleb and it kills me inside. And all that I hear is his favorite song playing through my head. 'When I'm gone'- Eminem

With that I cry myself to sleep every night. Everyday mommy, daddy, and Hayley try to get me out of bed or talk to me. And it doesn't work. It just makes it worse. I look at my phone.
(12) missed calls (2) voicemails from
Hay Hay💜💍
I sob. Pushing him out is what I have to do right now. I can't bring him down. I play the voicemail.
"Hey Anns. Please just text me or something. Just one letter even so I know your okay. Well uhm I'll call you later. I love you Anns."
"Okay Annie please just text me. Annie is it something I did? If it is I'm so sorry. Anns I miss you. I miss seeing your smile. I miss hearing your laugh. I've talked to your parents they said you haven't gotten out of bed. Annie you haven't talked to anyone in weeks. Please just tell me your okay. If this is your way of breaking up with me. Just say it. I can't handle this."
My cries got heavier. Mommy knocked on the door.
"Julianna we're going to lunch. We're gonna bring you back food. I love you Annie." I didn't respond. I'm hurting everyone around me and I still carried on. I watched out the window as the car pulled away. I ran out of my room. Crying. And out the back door. I ran out to the beach. I sat with my head in my hands sobbing. Rocking back and forth. Whispering to myself the chorus.
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn. Rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice. Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling. And I didn't feel a thing so baby don't feel no pain." I rock back and forth sobbing through the lyrics.
I sit there. Sobbing. Remembering every moment with Caleb. Every moment after. Mourning. His funeral. I scream. I feel a hand on my shoulder. Liv... I continue rocking back and forth. Singing.
"I'm done. I've had enough. But it wasn't the last thing I saw. I just kept... going. How can you keep going when the worst thing has happened." I hyperventilate.
"I hate him! I feel like I'm never gonna be happy again." I scream. The rocking continues. The song plays over and over.
"But I have to stay strong for Hayley. And mommy and daddy."
"What do I have to change inside to survive. Who do I have to become." I sob.
"And everyday it just gets worse and worse. I can't miss him anymore. He never even said goodbye to me." I scream louder. It drowns out the music.
"I-I just want to fold up and stop. And I didn't want to think about anything anymore." I cry.
"I don't expect anyone to understand. No one knows me." I whisper. I bury my head in my hands. She sits there rubbing my back as I breakdown and cry. The song gets quieter and quieter. My sobbing continues. I look up, I'm at the point where my eyes barely open enough from crying so much. Standing before me is Hayden. My sobs become louder. He sat next to me. I leaned into him and sobbed into his chest. He hugs me tightly. My breathing slows down. My crying continued. I looked over to liv I saw her on the phone pacing back and forth. We all stayed like that until I calmed down.
"I need help." I whispered.