A L O N E - DingDulian

{3} Back Again

D's pov;

                               It has been a couple days since Jul blew me off, we haven't talked either. I want to worry about what he might be feeling, but i'm still confused about me feeling. I've been sad the past couple days. Since i don't really know how to control my feelings, they tend to show to people who know me. Last night i live streamed, chris texted me to ask if i was okay because he was watching. He also told me jul was over his house when he was supposed to come over.

                              Chris invited me over to get my mind where it's supposed to be. As i'm walking to my car, I look. The clouds still grey. It has been for the past few days, but no rain. On the drive to chris's house, i see this bar jul and I used to go to when we were bored. I can't get away from thinking about him. I don't think i like him, But i think i do. I don't know. I don't know what im feeling. I never do, its better if i just ignore it. Its better for everything. I pulled up to chris's apartment build and grabbed my coat out of the backseat. It started to get windy outside. I put my jacket on and felt a pack of cigarettes in the pocket. When i got up to chris's apartment I checked my phone, it was about 4pm. Chris opened the door and looked me up and down. I probably looked a little rough, i haven't gotten to much sleep the past couple days.

                              "You look like shit." Chris said letting me in.

                              "Oh really?" I said sarcastically. I set my coat on a chair and sat on his couch.

                               "But like seriously, what has been up with you?"Chris shut the door and walked over to the tv to turn on his xbox 360. 

                                "ehh, just emotions." I dont get deep, especially with chris. If im going to drive somebody away by letting out my emotions, im not going to let it be chris. "It will go away."

                                "oh,, well i hope ya get better." He picked up Dead Rising from his cabinet of games, "This good?"

                                 "Yea. Actually i'm kinda hungry, wanna get some take out?" I ask grabbing a controller off his coffee table and start up the game.

                                  "Sure, But im ordering it. You have terrible luck when it comes to food delivery." He says, he isn't wrong. I start playing the game while he figures out what to order, I slowly forget about jul, and the other night, and all my emotions.

Jul's pov;

                                  "COFFFEEE." Matt yells at Ryan from the passenger seat. They were trying to figure out what to get before we go back to their place. Im hanging out with them to try to avoid my apartment building, D is always there. I miss him, a lot. But he cant know that. I feel terrible about blowing him off and not texting, but i cant face him. Im still in love with him, i might always be. I couldn't text him either. I know he probably doesn't want to talk to me, so im just avoiding him. God, I miss him.

                                   "Fine, we'll get fucking coffee." Ryan says pulling into the coffee shops parking lot. As we get out i open my phone, hoping D texted. He hasn't. He is with chris today. Chris told me. D hasn't seemed the best, especially on his streams. I have an account so i can secretly watch him, and check on him. D has never conveyed any emotion, and i was expecting him to just get some for me out of no where. Stupid.

                                      "Get me a regular coffee, ima go sit over here." I say as we walk in. I sit down in the corner and look around the shop. It's kinda small, but nicely decorated. The grey clouds outside illuminate the room just right, which never happens since it never really rains. But its not even raining. I look across the room and see a man sitting on his phone drinking coffee, He looks very familiar.  It takes me to realize it's my old friend from high school, Jacob. We lost touch after we graduated, so it's not like he hates me.oh god, I had the biggest crush on him, but never l told him. He is Bisexual, so i wasn't worried about that, I just didn't want him to reject me and have everything be awkward. I look down at my clothes to make sure i look okay and get up. I walk up to him but he doesn't notice. "Jacob?" I say, he looks up at me.

                                     "Julian? Is that you, wow i haven't seen you in forever." Jacob said. We sat for a couple minutes catching up while my coffee was being made. It was really nice to talk to him again, kinda calming actually. He might be back in my life. Oh god i hope. He took my phone and put my number in it before i was about to leave.

                                       "come on julian." Matt said standing by the door holding out my coffee. 

                                    "Well, bye jacob. I'll text you later." I say getting up.

                                    "You better." He winked. I felt myself blush. Jacob just winked at me. I walk outside and the cold breeze hit my face. It was nice, and so was life.

D's pov;

                                   "Uh chris, Im going go smoke. Want to come?" I ask grabbing my coat. I didn't tell him i was smoking again, but i really needed to right now, so i didn't care.

                                    " I thought you stopped? but sure." He said as i went to the balcony.

                                    "I just need to." I said. We sat out on the balcony and just watched the city, we didn't really say anything. It was kinda relaxing.

                                      "Ding?" He said, i looked over at him," What about Julian?" Remembering him made my chest hurt.

                                      "I don't know." I honestly don't. We could never get past this. I'm scared about it. Without him, my life is screwed up. It would screw up everything i do with him, or see him, which is pretty much everything. I'd screw up my job, my house, my passion..... my friendship. I don't want to lose him.