A L O N E - DingDulian

{5}Down Hill

(Slight triggers and sorry its quite short)

Jul's pov;

                           I'm kinda in a good place. D and I started texting again, maybe we will be back to hanging out soon. Jacob and I are great too, im so glad i found him. He seemed to get along with my friends the other day. We still arent official yet, and I know he has been seeing other people, but not as much as me. Oh and I learned that when D left that night, it was because he was getting sick, i dont know why he lied about that but oh well. I have no reason to worry right now, life is finally good. Finally. I'll always love d, i'll just have to learn to convert it to a friendship love.

                         It's Tuesday night, i have nothing to do. I kinda wanna ask D if he wants me to come over and work on the game with him. We have been texting  so at least i know it wont be so awkward  that he cant text me an answer, even if its no. I pick up my phone and turn it on, my lock screen is a picture of Jacob and I. I unlock it, my home screen is a picture of D and I. We were best friends before that night, we did pretty much everything together. God i hope he says yes to hanging out tonight. I open my texts.

-

Jul: Hey D, we havent worked on the game in a long time. Wanna hang out and work on it tonight?

-

                        I set my phone down on my bed and went to the kitchen. All i had were tv dinners, but i was starving so i threw one in the microwave. I grabbed my sketch book off the kitchen counter and started doodling in it while my food made. I drew me with jacob , d and chris. God i hope i can have that. DING. It was my phone in my room. I dropped my sketch book and ran into my room.

- One New Message-

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Chris: You dood, wanna hang out and go to round one?

Jul: uhh, no, im kinda busy tonight.

-

                      I put my food in my pocket and returned to my food. I didn't have anything to do tonight. But i hope D gives me something to do. God i hope he allows me over. I grab my food out of the microwave and sit down on my couch. There is a loud bang from outside, so i ran to my window. It's finally raining. It hasnt rained in California in forever. i sit back down and  put on the tv, but i can't focus. It's been 20 minutes since i texted D. He usually responds within 10 minutes. I get worried but not enough to go upstairs and check on him. I'm just over reacting, he probably isn't by his phone. He will text me back, Right? 

D's pov;

                    I've been sad a lot. But i haven't cried. I haven't said anything to anyone in the last couple days even though chris wanted me to call him. The other night, it pained me so much to see jul with someone else. I dont know if i like him, i just, it felt like he replaced me with someone he could be closer with.

                    My phone buzzed. It was on my dresser. I got off my bed and grabbed my phone. It was a message from jul, he wanted to come over. i couldnt see him. He couldn't see me definitely with me how i am. My eyes are blood shot, and the dark circles are very apparent  on my pale skin. I haven't slept much.  I set my phone down. I didn't answer, i couldn't get myself to text him. I sat back in my bed  and hid under the covers. I heard my phone buzz, probably chris since i haven't texted him. I haven't have talked to him since that night.

                   That night. God jul, come back. I dont know if i want you. But thought of me being replaced with someone else. I want you in my life. For a long time. But jacob. At that moment everything was to over whelming. I felt a tear stream down my face, then i started sobbing. I was loud, i was sad. I pulled the covers way over my head. Hopefully no one comes over, i dont want to answer the door like this. I mean who even would come? Chris would just call me, and i dont really think jul will come here without being invited. My sheets were soaking wet. I started to hear something coming from outside the covers, it took me a second to realize. It's rain. Finally.  I got up and walked to the window, still crying. The sky and I have something in common. I yelled. I dont know why, i couldn't control it. I LOST JUL. I FUCKING LOST HIM. NOW HE HAS JACOB. 

                 I take out a cigarette and light it. I close all the blinds in my room. Its dark, but not to dark.  I walk out of my room and to my kitchen. I take out this little box. I walk back into my room and close the door behind me. I sit down in front of my bed on the hardwood floor. I open the box and empty it on to the floor. My emergency cigarettes, a ring, and a razor blade. I set the razor blade aside and put everything else back into the box and throw it on my bed. I pick up the razor with my right hand. Steady. The rain is loud, thundering. 

                 I dont like jul, I might be in love with him, and now, he is gone, he is somebody else's. The sound of raindrops are drowned out by the sound of blood drops on the hardwood floor.  Soon my arm was numb. So was my heart.