Mind Of Mine ~ Justin Bieber as Jason McCann

chapter twelve: Meant To Be.

Jason's POV
It was crazy the amount of shit the human mind could take to rile up pure rage. Take me as an example. I mean I'm practically disaster on legs by this point. Or there's a huge sign that says 'rip the floor from underneath my feet and fuck with my mind'. That's the sort of effect my life had on me right now. Everything, everything was perfect a year ago. I was doing well in school, my home life was good, I wasn't involved with some dark shit and I certainly did not have any jumped up, tattooed, older brothers that I knew of.

It had been 3 days since Cynthia showed up in my arms on the dock. She had gone MIA with me, what's new right. My mom was staying in a condo about 15 minutes away from my house and as for my brother, well. My mom had visited him multiple times. I wanted to but I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to feel the rage I had felt the other day, I was a brand new person when I was like that. Guess it runs in the family. I was laying on my bed in the dark. It was a Saturday night. The whole week of school I just had had been a blur. I was in and out of focus for the whole week. Silent at lunch times, practically asleep in lessons, I didn't even attend basketball practice for the first time ever. The only time I was focused was when I saw Cynthia walking the corridors with her friends. Her face said happy but her eyes said pain. I watched her put on her fake smile and go on as if nothing that happened after school hours existed.

It was 11pm at night and the sound of my phone vibrating against my bed side table awoke me from my thoughts. The name 'Pattie' lit up on my screen. Why was my mom calling me at this time? "Hello", I said drowsily. "Jason, it's your brother. He's in a bad way, he's consumed about five bottles of vodka and he refuses to move. He keeps calling your name. And...", she sounded terrified. "And? What mom?", I asked growing increasingly concerned. "The name Cynthia. I don't know what it means but I was hoping that you do.", hints of confusion and hope ran through her scared tone.

My heart dropped. I hung up without saying goodbye. I jumped out of bed and slid on my clothes from earlier that day. I ran downstairs and opened the front door. I didn't even stop by the Cabin on my way to Cynthia's. I decided knocking on the door would cause unnecessary attention from her family so I picked up a couple of stones and started throwing them at her window. After about three pounds she arrived at the window and un-latched it. "What do you want Jason?", she asked concerned. "Get changed it's really important", I yelled but in a whispering voice. With no hesitation she latched the window shut and closed her curtains.

I paced back and fourth on the pavement outside her house. About 5 minutes later she showed up outside the front door wearing all black with her hair up in a pony tail. "Follow me", I gestured her. On the way to the cabin I explained everything, she understood and agreed to help. She pushed the door open and stepped light-footed inside. "Jackson?", she said softly. "It's me", she continued. She opened the door to a room and in there sat Jackson.

Cynthia's POV
I crept up slowly towards him trying not to startle him. "What the fuck have you done?", I asked. I was hurting at the sight of him. His eyes were puffy and dazed, showing the signs of alcohol consumption.
"You know,", he started speaking. His words slurred. "I always say I'm scared of nothing but the truth is, I am. I'm scared that one day you will see me the way I see myself. I don't think people understand how hard it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even know yourself.", he trembled. "Trust me Jack, I do. I'm just as fucked up as you. I know that behind your fear, is a breaking heart. I know that behind your body is a soul trying to fight. And although I saw this day coming, it still hurts me. It hurts me so much. I have tried so fucking hard to hate you but I just can't. I always saw you for what you could of been. Or in fact, what you could be. I could never ever hate you for what you've done to me. How you've hurt me because I know at the same time, I was hurting you just as bad mentally.", I fought back the tears that caved my eyes.
"Cynthia, I could never ever be yours because I would end up tearing you apart. I know that my brother loves you more than anyone ever could. Even though you say that you're just friends, 'just friends' don't look at each other that way. You've been at times my lover and at times my worst fear. But what you will be to the very end is my best friend. You looked at me like there was something worth looking at. You are the most beautiful human I have ever had the pleasure of encountering. I want you to feel happy and safe and the only way I know you can feel that way is with Jason.", I was now crying. I was crying because everything he was saying was true. I felt safe and happy with Jason. Just friends didn't seem right between us and even though I thought I could only ever love Jackson. I was wrong. All the time I found myself in Jason's arms. The place I felt most safe. If I really loved Jackson I'd be running to him, not another man. I was falling for Jason. I was falling hard. "Monsters are real, demons are too, they live in all of us and sometimes they conquer our bodies. I've let mine get the better of me so I spent the last 15 years telling myself I was getting better, but I now realise that I'm not getting better and I can't do this alone anymore. Will you please let me out. Unlock the circus that is my mind and set me free. I fucking beg you.", he sobbed looking at me and Jason.
"We will help you, we'll get you help. I promise. We will be here every step of the way.", I said leaning down and grabbing his hand tightly.

3 hours later.
I had called into a local motel. I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in my bed tonight. Like Jackson, I needed an escape. I sat on a chair in the corner of the room I had rented for the night, playing with the sleeve of my black hoodie and staring into the abyss of the night.
A large pounding sound filled the air of my room alarming me. I shot up and crept towards the door putting my back to it. "Cindy, it's Jason. Please let me in.", cries wracked his voice. I sat shaking in silence. Silence had always been my loudest scream. "He was right you know. I am in love with you. Let's not fall in love though because everything that falls always ends up broken. So at school we ignore each other, pretend we don't exist to one another. But deep down, we both know that it wasn't supposed to go like that. I love the way you touch me without even using your hands. I love the way we make each other laugh, I love the way that even though you're not mine I'm still so fucking afraid of losing you. So go ahead, rip my heart out. Show me what love is all about", he finished.

And with that, I swung the door open and forced myself into his embrace. He kissed me passionately, wrapping his arms around my waist. I snaked mine around his neck and played with his hair, rubbing my fingers through it. He picked me up so my legs were around his body. He pushed the door shut and slammed me up against the door. I reached for the end of his t-shirt and pulled it off eagerly. He carried me over to the bed, not breaking our kiss. I put my hands on his bare chest, rubbing them over his defined abs.

I pushed him down so he was sat on the bed as I remained standing up. His gaze fixated on me as I pulled off my hoodie revealing my bra. He bit his lip, becoming impatient. I straddled him and we kissed. He flipped me over so I was lay on my back. He kissed his way down the valley of my chest and slipped off my shorts. I reached for the buckle of his belt and unclipped it, sliding it off an throwing it to the floor with the rest of our clothes. He sat me up not moving his lips from mine. He unclipped my bra. "You are so fucking beautiful, do you realise that?", he murmured through kisses.

The way he slammed his body into mine reminded me I was alive. This was it. This is what I had craved all along.