Cruel Laughter [Sequel To "Because He Lived."]

{Chapter 15} Talking

Two days later, early in the morning, Garroth showed up at our door. He was smiling but I could tell he felt uneasy around me.

He told us that Jackson had disappeared the night that I was attacked, but the people he worked with were ignorant enough to stay in the village. He'd had them arrested and then they gave everything away. What Jackson was planning, and why. It was everything about him. Garroth refused to tell me. He pulled Alexander aside out of earshot of me and told him everything.

When they'd returned, Alexander was visibly upset, his fists clenched at his side. He turned to his father, "Thank you. I'll keep you updated. Any news on... James's... uh..." he trailed off, starting to look even more uncomfortable.

"Execution?" His father finished for him, " No. Zane hasn't set a date, and I'm not surprised, it hasn't even been two months. The date will probably be set two months prior."

Alexander frowned, "So Zane hasn't reconsidered?"

"No. I'm sorry son, but I think it's best that you accept it. I don't think it's going to change."

"I understand." He turned and faced me, frowning. "I'm sorry, James."

I smiled sadly, "Don't be, this is my punishment for my crimes. I deserve this."

He looked upset, but he didn't say anything.

"I have to get going," Garroth spoke, making our heads turn to him. Alexander nodded and walked to the door with him, conversing a little bit. When Garroth was gone, he came back, smiling.

"Come on, lets go down to the river and talk for a little.

---

That afternoon, we talked for hours at the river, about our childhood, about random things. He told me about his time at the academy and how his life was after. How he almost married this girl named Martha, but couldn't go through with it, because he didn't love her the same way. When he told me, my heart clenched a little.

After we talked, Alexander and I returned home. He cooked dinner for us--he's a great cook--and we ate outside in the back yard, watching the animals. We talked some more.

Once dinner was done, Alexander headed up to his office to work on something, leaving me alone for the first time all day.

I thought a lot. About everything. About Jackson, about the attack, about what's going to happen a lot. I thought about Arsen too.

But most of all, I thought about Alexander. Most of all, what I heard him say the other night, when I thought he was asleep.

I love you.

It had to be a trick of my mind, no one would say that to me. Not me. Especially not the perfect Alexander. I hadn't heard those words in years, not since before I left. Why would he ever say those words to me. He wouldn't. It had to just be my mind playing tricks on me. Or maybe he was sleep talking. Either way, the words weren't real.

They weren't meant for me.

The more and more I thought about what Alexander said to me, the more the voices in my head returned. Those sickening voices that told me to kill everyone. The voices that never went away, no matter how hard I tried. Even when I thought they were gone, they weren't. They were always there, a whisper in the back of my mind. They tried and tried to compel me to do what I didn't want to do. They wanted me to become what I used to be. I didn't want to kill anyone anymore. I just wanted to voices to go away.

Wasn't my execution punishment enough? Did I need to be reminded every day about what I did, and what I am by my own mind? It seems the universe thought I did.

For once in a while, the voices got louder.

Kill them all, you know what you are. There is no escaping that.

I breathed heavily, scratching at my head.

No one loves you. Kill them all.

The voices I thought disappeared were coming back, stronger than they were before.

Kill them.

"No!" I screamed, to no one.

Kill.

I screamed again.

Them.

Something inside me snapped and I gasped. Suddenly it was as if I didn't have control over my own body. I was making my way over to Alexanders dresser, rummaging through to try and find some sort of weapon.

I rummaged through the drawers, until in the back corner of the bottom drawer I found an old dagger. I gasped, I hadn't held a weapon in weeks. The voice in my head told me to leave, so I followed it's command and headed in a trance towards the door. As I was about to push open the door, Alexanders voice sounded behind me.

"James, what are you doing?"

I whipped around, holding the dagger out in front of me. "I... need to... go."

"No, you need to stay here."

I shook my head. "I can't fight it."

Suddenly, Alexander understood what was going on, and he tentatively approached me. "Remember what I said, focus on me. Focus."

At first I did, the blond of his hair, the way he was breathing, his eyes. I held focus for a few seconds before my arm swung forward, and the dagger sliced a line across Alexanders cheek. He stumbled back in surprise, and held his cheek.

I took a step back in surprise, and the dagger dropped to the ground with a crash. "I-I'm sorry."

Alexander shook his head, taking steps closer until he was right in front of me. "It's okay, it's not your fault." He crouched down and picked up the dagger, not taking his eyes away from me. "Come on, focus on me, come on."

I tried. I looked at his face, I tried to focus on him but I just couldn't. Again, without my consent, my body lurched forward and I wrapped my hands around Alexanders neck. I shoved him up against the wall. He started gasping for breath, his hands flying up to my wrists.

"J--James... let... go," he gasped.

"No... you need to die. Everyone needs to die." The part of me that wasn't in control wanted too stop, but I wouldn't.

Alexander tried prying my hands away, but they wouldn't budge. "No... they don't. Look a-at what... you're... doing."

I growled and pressed my thumbs harder against his neck. "Stop! Stop! Everyone needs to die!"

"J-James... please... please... come back to... me," he pleaded, tears falling from his eyes.

My eyes widened, and my hands dropped from his neck. Alexander landed with a thump onto the floor, gasping for breath. I took a step back in horror. The voices in my head subsided for now, but what they told me to do was still there. Kill Alexander. I looked down at my hands in shock as Alexander braced himself against the wall, standing up.

I lifted my head to look at him. "You... I could have... you could..." I felt bile build up in my stomach, and I clutched at it.

"It is not... your fault," he stated, catching his breath.

"Yes it is," I mumbled, I turned away from him and headed for the spare bedroom. I slammed the door behind me, turning the lock. I wasn't going to come out.