Cruel Laughter [Sequel To "Because He Lived."]

{Chapter 16} Loved?

Oh god so sorry for not updating in more than a month. I've been super busy with band and school, it barely gives me anytime to write or do anything else. I've been struggling with mental problems too, and I don't want to produce bad chapters. I'll try to keep the updates coming tho. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

I stayed in my room for I don't know how long. The whole time, Alexander was pounding on the door trying to get me to come out. I wasn't going to. I'd almost killed Alexander. The only person that actually cares--cared? About me. How could I have done that to him?

The voices were gone again, and now it was just me and the silence of the room, with Alexanders occasional knocks. I could tell when the sun started to rise from the window by the bed, and I could tell when it was mid afternoon when the sounds from the market were in full swing. I still didn't leave. I didn't sleep, I didn't move.

Around sunset the next day, Alexanders voice sounded from the other side of the door. "Hey James. It's been a whole day since you've locked yourself in there. I think you should come out, I'm worried. I'm going to have to break down the door if you don't come out soon. I haven't told anyone what's happened, but I'm going to need to if you don't come out."

This caught my attention, and I contemplated opening the door. Against my better judgment, I headed over to the door and opened it tentatively.

Alexander was standing on the other side of the door, bags under his eyes. His tired eyes widened when he saw me, and he rushed forward and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Oh Irene I was so worried. I thought- I thought you did something to yourself. I'm so glad you're okay..." he rambled on, and on about how he was so happy I was okay. A part of me believed it.

I nodded into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. He leaned down, resting his chin on top of my head. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the purple bruises forming around his neck, in the shape of hands. I recoiled immediately, gasping.

He seemed to catch on to what I saw, and he rushed to cover it with his hands.

"I-I did that to you..." Tears welled at the edges of my eyes, and I covered my mouth with my hand.

Alexander shook his head, "No, it wasn't you. This was not your fault. You hear me? Whatever took you over, it's their fault. You had no control. It's okay... it doesn't hurt that much."

I breathed in a few times, and nodded in belief. I couldn't believe the whole thing of course, but I know I didn't have any control. That I could believe.

Alexander stepped forward again, grabbing my arms, and looking me in the eyes. "I need to know what made this happen. Something usually triggers this, it doesn't just happen randomly. Talk to me, maybe I can help."

"I can't tell you... I can't." I looked away from him, my eyes focusing on a mouse scurrying into a hole in the wall, anything except Alexanders too-blue eyes.

"Why not?"

I swallowed hard, and took I deep breath. "I just can't. You'd be upset. You wouldn't like me after it."

Alexander shook his head almost frantically. "There is no way I can't like you, James. I need you to tell me so I can help you get better."

"I can't tell you," I mumbled, keeping my head down towards the ground.

"What?"

"I can't tell you, because it's about you."

Alexanders eyes widened, and I heard him gasp. "Did I do something? Was this my fault? Oh my Irene, did I do something to hurt you?"

I frantically shook my head. "It's not your fault... it's just my fault for thinking too hard into something I heard you say. I knew it wasn't about me, but I was hoping, and the more and more I thought about it, it hurt more..."

"What did you hear me say?"

"I can't--I cant tell you. You'll hate me for being hopeful."

"James I don't know how many times I'm going to have to tell you," he started, "there is no way for me to hate you. Absolutely no way."

"Alexander do you really want me to tell you?" He nodded, and I sighed. I really was going to tell him. "The other night when we were sleeping in your bed, I guess when you thought I was asleep, you mumbled, 'I love you'. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. The more and more I thought about it, I realized that it could never be about me. Things just went down hill from there... I just got my hopes up that's all."

"You got your hopes up? For what?" He asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

I sucked in a sharp breath. "That... that you would love me too."

Alexander rushed forward all of a sudden and pulled my face towards his. He stopped a few inches from mine, and looked into my eyes. "Can I kiss you?" I could feel his breath on my lips, and I nodded.

He pulled my face towards his together, closing the short distance between us. Suddenly, we were kissing and my mind was exploding with a feeling that I had never experienced before.