Cruel Laughter [Sequel To "Because He Lived."]

[Chapter 21] A Parents Love

Four months. Four months. Four months. That was all the time that he had left. I'm four months he'd have to say goodbye to his beautiful boy and there was nothing he could do to change it, no matter how hard he tried.

Alexander laid restlessly on the couch, trying to get a single wink of sleep. He hadn't slept in two days, at least more than an hour. And it was because of James, again. James had gone away two days ago, a fishing trip to a remote village with his father and sister to try and reconcile a least some of the issues they had before James would be gone forever. His mother had stayed home, unable to traverse the area and she had offered up her company but all Alexander wanted to do was wallow in his own self pity and try to think of ways to save his love—and he couldn't even do that!

All he had done for the past few days was tussle around in the sheets and hug a sweater that James wore closely. His brain was rushing, trying to think of ideas to save James but he knew deep down none of them would work. He knew deep down that James didn't want any of them to work, no matter how much he may love Alexander. Most of him knew James's death was inevitable, but there was that small part of him that just couldn't bare to believe it, that just didn't want it to be true.

What Zane had said to him echoed in his head. Let him go, don't let him suffer. Would letting him go really be the best? But what about the aftermath, what about the months of sadness and depression that will follow for Alexander? What about the years that they won't have together? Was this really for the best? Was this really what he wanted?

Alexander couldn't keep his thoughts in one place, they were rushing all over, crashing against his head in an angry storm. He just didn't know what to do anymore. He was becoming... hopeless.

But he didn't want to be hopeless, he didn't want to give up on James. He didn't want to give up on the love of his life. Not when he still had so much life to live and so much to redeem himself for... so much he wouldn't get to do.

Four months, Sixteen weeks, One hundred and twelve days, Two thousand six hundred and eighty eight hours; until he would be gone for good—at the hands of James.

The thought still made him seethe with anger, although James had made his mind up and made his peace, Alexander still couldn't.

His mind was racing again, all over the place. Until it was interrupted— a knock at the door.

Alexander stood from his place on the couch,  stretching after what was hours. He peeked out the windows and there were his dads, holding a basket Laurence rocking back and forth on his heels.

The door opened with a creek and Laurence stopped his rocking, smiling sadly at his son.

"Hey Kiddo. We stopped by to spend some time with you. We figured you needed some love, and you haven't spent time with your dads in a while, so why not?" Garroths explanation was rushed and he didn't even wait for a response and he pushed past Alexander with Laurence on his tail. "Laur, Hun, why don't you start some tea?" Laurence rushes off to the kitchen without a second thought, only glancing at Alexander.

Alexander again didn't have a say in the matter as he was lead to his couch again at pushed down by the shoulders. "Father—"

"Hush. I know you're worried. Stressed. Anxious, and everything in between. You need some time to calm down."

"Father... I am alright. I swear... just a bit tired."

"Just a bit?" Garroth took a long look at his sons bloodshot eyes and the dark black bags under his eyes, and shook his head. "An enormous bloody understatement, if I've ever heard one. You're going to eat something and then you're going to sleep, got it? How long has it been since you've ate?" Alexander looked away shamefully glancing at his Papa who stood in the doorway of the kitchen looking pitifully at him. "Good thing I bought plenty of food."

Garroth unpacked the basket he brought with him, unloading the pack of meat and cheese and crackers. He pulled out another wrapped parcel, a sandwich cut into fours. The way Alexander used to eat them when he was a child. Garroth shoved it into his hands and watched intensely, waiting for him to take a bite.

"Father... I'm not—"

Garroth cut him off, shoving the food closer to his mouth. "You must eat. I cannot have my only son starving on me."

Reluctantly and with a sigh, Alexander took a tiny nibble, and the one tiny bite reminded him how good his fathers cooking was. Blessed, he was. As he was finishing the first fourth of his sand which, Laurence returned a cup of steaming tea resting on a plate, he placed it down in front of Alexander, and then sat on the corner of the chair Garroth was resting on.

"Why... why are you two doing this, why now?"

Garroth sighed and looked at his son with a sad smile. "We haven't seen you leave your house in two days. Usually you stop down by the market and you haven't even done that. We're here for you, Alex. You're our son and we love you. It's okay to be upset Alex, but you cannot neglect yourself..." He trailed off, squeezing his husbands hand.

"Father... Papà, I don't know what to do anymore... I'm going to loose him I— I— he's going to disappear from my life forever!" Suddenly Alexander burst into sobs, burying his hands in his hair, his shoulders racking with sobs.

Laurence was the first one to stand up and take a seat next to his son. He grabbed his hand gently and held it close to his chest.

"My son, I understand your pain. But you'll always have your memory of him. He is not going to disappear forever. You'll always have him in your heart okay?" Laurence hugged his crying son, pressing his head to his chest and soothing him by rubbing circles into his back.

Garroth joined them shortly after, taking the other spot next to Alexander, and the three of them embraced each other, holding onto Alexander until his sobs turned into quiet snores.

"Goodnight, my sunflower... blessed dreams," Garroth spoke quietly, kissing his sons forehead as he tucked him carefully into his bed. "Blessed dreams."