Ponyboy's pov
I woke up -or, thought I woke up- to a few voices, which sounded panicked.
"What do you mean by 'won't wake up'?" I immediately recognized that voice. Johnny.
"I'm sorry sir, he's in a coma." I'm assuming that's the doctor.
"Try waking him again." Johnny started to cry.
I didn't understand what was happening, or who they were talking about, until I tried to speak.
Nothing.
I went into panic mode.
What's happening? And why the hell can't I move?
"I've tried. Many times. If you wanna try, go ahead." The doctor sighed.
I felt someone lightly touch my arm. "Ponyboy, please wake up. I need you..."
I tried to reach up and hug him. I tried to tell him that I loved him. Nothing was working.
So, instead of being able to calm him down, instead of helping him stop shaking, I had to lay here and be useless. I had to lay here and do nothing while hearing my boyfriend go through this alone.
"Pony please," he pleased, "please wake up. Please be okay."
"Sir, I'm afraid I need to ask you to leav-"
"No! I'm not leaving him alone!" Johnny shouted.
I'm sure if I had control of my body, I'd have flinched. But i don't, so I didn't.
"Sir please calm down. It's not like he's dea-" once again Johnny cut him off.
"Say the word 'dead' and I'll kill you." He said.
"Uh, that's, um... never mind you can stay here. I'm just gonna leave you two alone." The doctor quickly said and left.
"Anyway, I know that you're not gonna wake up right now, and I wish you would. But hell I don't even know if you can even hear me right now. But if you can somehow hear me, please just know that I'm truly sorry. I understand if you'll hate me when you wake up, I understand if you wanna break up with me, but just know that I'm sorry and I love you." I felt a tear land on my hand, followed by him wiping it off.
I wanted to tell him that I don't hate him, that I never could hate him even if I wanted to.
At one point I thought I may have a small chance of slowly starting to maybe stop liking him that way, but that was before we started dating, and that's a whole other story for another time.
Besides I was wrong. Very very wrong.
Anyway, he continued to whisper some 'I love yous' and telling me that I'd be okay.
I wanted him to be right, but I felt like I was slowly slipping away. Pain kept shooting up my spine, and my ribs ached.
Johnny gave my hand a small squeeze and said one last 'I love you' before getting up.
Aside from disappointment, I felt a little relieved that he left. Not for a bad reason though, only because it was hurting me to see him like that. Well, not really see, but I could imagine it.
Despite the fact that I didn't want to imagine it, my mind didn't listen and all I could see was Johnny's dark puppy eyes full of sadness.
I shook the thought away and focused on trying to sleep, even though techically, I was 'asleep'.
Well, my body was.
I slowly fell asleep and dreamt of my future with Johnny.
Johnny's pov
I stumbled out of the hospital, and went to the lot.
I basically lost Pony. Who knows when he's going to wake up? Or if he'll even wake up?
I sat down on the old tattered car seat and lit a small fire. Heat quickly bloomed, filling the air and calming the chills and goosebumps that filled my skin.
I laid back, and changed my direction I was looking in, and looked up to the sky.
I thought about what it would be like to be a star. Be away from everyone and have no worries.
I was in mid-thought when I suddenly broke down.
"Why him?" I cried.
He doesn't deserve this. He's done nothing to anyone. He's one of the nicest people I've ever met. So why? Why him?
I buried my face in my hands and cried.
Maybe it's time to listen to all those socs. Maybe it's time to stop trying, stop getting abused by my parents on a day to day basis.
I know that Ponyboy would never approve of me thinking like this, but he isn't exactly here. Or, maybe he wouldn't care. I mean, who would?
No one.
I'm starting to think that maybe when I got jumped a while back, the things the socs said to me were true.
Useless, unloved, waste of air, ugly, stupid, a nobody, pathetic, weak.
All of those described me perfectly. I just wish those socs killed me that day. Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
But what about Pony? What if he does wake up, and I'm gone? That'd kill him.
But then again, he's killing me.
You don't know how hard it is to be stuck in your thoughts like this. To not know what's right at the moment.
After much thought, I came to the conclusion that the right thing to do, is the opposite of what I really want to do.
Stay alive.
I need to at least give Ponyboy time to wake up, but if he doesn't, then I'll do what the socs told me to do. Give up.
I've had many bad thoughts similar to this before, but not as bad as these. I've also been through many rough things in life, but this...
This, ladies and gentlemen, is my breaking point.
this is kinda depressing but i can't help it🙃
