My Fanfiction

Don't Touch Me (SPN x Depressed!Reader)

Warning: Depressing Themes

  You pushed Dean's arms away from yours when he tried to touch you. You tensed up and frowned, moving away from him. You didn't miss the hurt in his eyes and your heart clenched. Instead of dealing with it as usual, you stood up and went to the room you called yours when you had moved in here. Apparently you didn't make it clear that you didn't like to be touched as the brothers always tried to touch you in a form of comfort. Sometimes, you let them. Other times, you just didn't want it at all. This was one of those days. The worst part was that nothing had happened. Your depression had just crashed down on you like bricks from the moment you woke up. You felt numb and sick.

You never told the boys you didn't like to be touched most of the time. Sometimes, for weeks or months at a time. You didn't want them to worry or care so you tried not to grow close to them. For the most part, it worked. You'd watch movies with them and went on hunts with them and they seemed to treat you like a sibling but you didn't want them to. You had been there for only two months and you still barely trusted them. Within those two months, you've been upset quite a few times to which the brothers would either cuddle you or take your arm and rub soothing circles while other times, you would push them away and retreat to your room like you were doing now.

You hadn't ate all day and you didn't feel hungry. You tried to read but when you couldn't concentrate on the words, you threw it across the room, banged the table in the library and walked into the living room to see if Dean was in there doing anything. You had missed the worrying glance Sam had given you. Dean was, luckily, doing something. You sat next to him on the couch and tried to watch what he was watching. Dean seemed to notice your distress and tried to rub your arm but you tensed, pushed him away and went to your room. You slammed the door shut and stomped to your bed. You kept your emotions in as you laid there, looking up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what to do, repressing your emotions.

Not only ten minutes later, there came a knock on your door and a voice came through, saying, "Uhh (Y/N), Dean's going out to get some takeout, do you want anything?" You felt agitated when you heard the voice. Don't get me wrong, you liked Sam, you did, you thought he was sweet, the only problem was the not trusting part, but you didn't feel like anything. You actually weren't sure how you felt. You frown, holding in your groan. You figured he'd leave if you didn't respond. It seemed to work. Until twenty minutes later when you heard banging on your door with a fist and Dean's voice, "Alright if you're not dead, say something else let me in and tell me what the hell is wrong!" You frowned. Should you stay quiet? You seemed to contemplate that for too long as the next thing that happened was your door on the floor.

You frowned as you heard the door falling but you didn't do anything. Dean stood in the doorway with a timid looking Sammy. Dean glared at you and you tensed under his stare, tears finally coming to your eyes though you didn't let them stream down your cheeks. You heard Dean coming closer and your eyes widened, backing up and landing on the floor with a thud. When you sat up again, you backed up against the wall and yelled, "Don't touch me!" Dean frowned, standing frozen where he was. He seemed to be shocked, unsure of what to say until his mouth opened, "Just tell me what's wrong, please." He begged.. Dean Winchester, the all famous I-Don't-Have-Much-Feelings Winchester was begging to a person who looked scared and depressed and.. Numb.

When you didn't answer him, he frowned, getting on his knees and tried crawling over to you to which you tried to disappear into the wall. "Please... Just tell me what's wrong.." You shook your head and buried your face in your knees. "Go away!" Though with newfound feelings, you weren't sure if you wanted him to leave. You heard the floorboards creak under the older Winchester's weight as he left you to your thoughts. You cried after you were sure that both Winchesters were gone, the tallest Winchester promising to fix your door before he left.

After about two hours of crying, an hour of screaming and a few minutes of pulling your hair, you finally felt better and you gathered the courage to get up and go over to the living room with shaky legs. Dean and Sam barely acknowledged you so you frowned and walked over, slowly sitting next to Dean and burying yourself in his side like a small child who had done something bad and silently asking for forgiveness. In a way, you still were a child. Your childhood was taken from you and now, you sort of make up for it by acting and trying to be a child at times. Dean seemed to understand and accept your apology as he wrapped an arm around you and you buried your face on him, Dean still facing the TV as they were watching a movie.