Recount the Seconds (Muke)

Chapter 7

Present - Ash

Cal’s getting pretty depressed. I guess it’s not the worst thing going on right now, but it’s what’s eating at me now…because Dr. Wright’s trying to use Luke to jog Michael’s memory, and, even though it’s hard on both of them, at least they’re working together on something. 

But Cal? Luke’s not talking to Cal, Michael’s parents aren’t talking to Cal, and his parents only got here this morning. Plus, Calum’s my best friend. Since Luke and Michael finally got together, it’s been this way: Luke and Michael, and Calum and me. I mean, we all love each other loads; all of the boys are my brothers. It’s just, Luke is the sweet one I look out for, and Michael’s the fucking annoying one (I can’t live without), but Cal and I are the closest. So I have to stick with him now, or else he has no one. 

Just overall really, things are as shitty as they’ve ever been for us. I mean, I can’t really complain too much — we’ve all been blessed with great friends and the best fans in the world — but…this is taking a lot out of me. And I’m scared. Especially now. 

Our agent is going to call me any minute now. To talk options. We’ve had to cancel some writing sessions and a radio gig so far, but nothing too major. Next week, on the other hand, we’re supposed to start traveling. We have concerts lined up all over the UK, and we’ve warned the early ones about possible issues, but the others don’t even know anything’s wrong…

At first, I’d hoped we’d miss a few dates and then get our shit together and get back out there. That was back when I was still confident that Michael would get his memory back and Cal would perform in a fucking wheelchair if he had to, and…I guess I just wanted things to fix themselves, so I believed they would. Now there’s a rock in my stomach and it’s becoming more and more clear that we’re going to have to call it. The whole tour. And for how long?

The hotel phone interrupts my running mind. When I pick it up, I hear Matt’s heavy voice. 

"I’ve talked to the venues, Ashton," he tells me. "I told them to wait for your say-so, but the tour’s basically off…unofficially. I wanted to check with you one more time." 

I frown and run a hand through my hair. I hate this. “Luke doesn’t want to strain Michael…and he’s pretty strained himself. We talked about it, and he voted to call it. He wasn’t all there…but he means it, all the same.”

Matt sighs. “Calum and Michael?”

"It’s hard to get much out of any of them right now, Matt." 

"I know, and I’m sorry, but this needs to be dealt with."

"I know. Look. I don’t know what any of them would say if they were in their right minds right now, but they’re not. They’re not functioning, they’re not even speaking…I’m sorry. It’s just…I’m trying to hold this together—"

"What I’m getting out of this is that you guys need some time."

I swallow the dryness in my throat. “Yeah. There’s just no way we can perform right now—”

"That’s not — well, I’ve been taking to a couple publicists about how to handle this whole think and what I’m wondering is…would it be best to take a break? With everything—"

"No." I speak faster than I can think. Then it catches up with me. We can’t do that. We’re doing better than ever — this could ruin—

"Think about it, Ash."

"I already don’t know how to tell the fans about canceling the tour — how the hell am I supposed to say we’re giving — I don’t want to give up! On Luke or Mikey or Cal, or me, or — I don’t want to give up on all of us together, the family — the fans care so much—"