Recount the Seconds (Muke)

Chapter 16

A/N: ...I'm sorry. 

*TW for References to Self Harm/Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts*

Present - Luke

"You guys are in a shitload of trouble."

"Ash?" I mumble, shaking Michael's shoulder gently and sitting up in Michael's bed. "What's going on?"

"Just -- just have Michael check twitter, God, it's everywhere, look. I don't even care, I'd be happy except you should have fucking talked to Calum and I first and this is shitty timing -- I mean -- well, with the break, it looks weird, and--"

"What?"

"I know it was an accident, but the fucking airport? Really, Luke? You could have warned us that someone saw you or something--"

"Shit."

"Yeah," Ash groans. "That, Luke. She took a picture too--"

"Shit. Michael. Michael, wake up."

"Huh?" Michael rubs his eyes. 

"Check twitter. Taylor spread a picture around--"

"Taylor?"

"Airport girl."

"Fucking A," he yawns. 

"Ash, she promised not to say anything--" I begin. 

"Oh, she promised," he laughs bitterly. "And you just listened to that? And you didn't think it was important enough to say something?" 

"We were a little preoccupied."

"No, really?"

Frowning, Michael shows me his phone screen, and I sigh. 

It's pretty bad. Even with our hats on, we're easy enough to recognize. Michael's galaxy-purple hair sticks out from under his beanie and the 'x' tattoo on his middle finger is clearly visible on his hand (on my cheek). My face is more visible due to the camera angle, and to make things worse, my lip ring is right there...and to make things even worse...Ashton's right: it's everywhere. We'd been talking about telling the fans before Michael and Calum's accident and the break, and we'd wanted to for a while, but not like this. 

"Ash, I haven't seen him in months," I sigh, feeling both guilty and betrayed. Yeah, I listened to her. She said she was a part of the fam. That she supported us. That she didn't want to hurt us, so of course she wouldn't say anything until we were ready to come out to the fans. I wanted everything to be all right -- not just the airport incident, everything -- and I wanted to believe that the fans had our back enough to look out for us, and -- well, I like to see the best in people; of course I listened to her. But stupid, so stupid, I should have said something to Ash, I just wanted to spend time with Michael and not worry about it, so selfish--

Mikey frowns at me. "You all right, Luke?" 

"Neither have any of us!" Ash yells on the other end of the line. "You're not the only person this affects, Luke! Jesus, I am sick of being responsible--"

"You're not responsible for this! Ash, I fucked up, I should have--" my voice quivers. 

"I am!"

Out of nowhere, something snaps. "You don't have to be!" I yell back. "This is my mistake, my issue and Michael's. No one put this on you. You always take everyone else's shit on your own shoulders and you get so wounded about it like someone's making you take care of us and that's on you, Ash. You."