Starting Over (Islamic Fiction, Z.M)

Chapter 17 - (Opening Up)

“Mind if we talk for a bit?”

As Zayn sat on the edge of my bed, I began to feel nervous. I knew he was confused about the conversation Ella and I earlier had and I knew he would ask me about it, but I was hoping he wouldn’t. I don’t want him to look at me any different than he looks at me right now, with respect and love.

“Why aren’t you eating with them? I know you haven’t eaten anything today.” He asked, his beautiful brown eyes looking at me with his eyebrows raised a little bit in concern.

“I’m just not hungry, that’s all.” I shrugged, twitching my lips into a weak smile. That was the best I could do for now as I felt a huge weight on my heart preventing me from doing such a simple thing as smiling.

“Not hungry? When was your last meal?” he asked raising an eyebrow at me and using the same tone he did with Waliyha at the hospital.

“I don’t know. I’m just not hungry now.” I lied because I felt he would flip at me like he did with Waliyha if he knew I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday’s early dinner that we had.

“Look, I know something has been bothering you ever since we came up here and I have a feeling that it has something to do with that friend of yours that you were talking to earlier, doesn’t it?” I felt my head nod as I sighed deeply. Why can’t I just hide this from him? If I told him he would hate me and judge me like everyone else did.

“Okay, would you like to tell me what’s bothering you?” he asked waiting for me to tell him everything.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to tell him and just not have to lie all the time because I really do hate lying now, I still had that voice at the back of my mind telling me not to say anything. I was too ashamed of telling him. He was one of my closest friends along with his sister and cousin, if I told him and he told them I would have no one left in my life. They would all think less of me and hate me.

“I may not be the best advisor but I am a good listener.” He quoted my words making me smile at him in return.

Taking a deep breath, I felt the words come out of my mouth like they were coming from someone else, “If I told you, you would leave me and I really don’t want to lose you.”

Creasing his eyebrows, he scooped closer to me that our shoulders were almost inches apart, “You can never lose me Maggie.” He reassured me with his big brown eyes that were staring right through me with so much love and care more than just his words.

“Okay,” I said nodding slowly.

“Do you trust me enough to tell me? I won’t judge you or leave you no matter what it is.” He asked not breaking eye contact between us.

Nodding, I looked at his eyes and said, “Before I start telling you anything, I want you to know that I am a totally different person now. I’m ashamed of what I did back then but it is my past and it doesn’t define who I am now.” I was still hesitant to whether or not to tell him but I wanted to get this whole thing off my chest. He said he won’t judge me, right?

Taking a deep breath, I started telling him what happened, “Well, you know that girl you saw with me in front of the building?” I asked him as I tried to figure out where to start. He nodded so I continued, “Well, she used to be my best friend for years, along with Sarah.”  I stopped talking, waiting for him to link the dots together.

Looking puzzled, he creased his eyebrows as if waiting for me to explain who she was, “Aaroosa’s ex roommate?” His eyes widen a little with realization as I nodded. He didn’t know who Sarah really was or how bad of a person she was, all he knew is the scene she made at Waliyha’s birthday. So he wasn’t that shocked just a bit taking back.