Polar Opposites

Chapter 31

Nicole's POV---

Depression.

A word used too often, too socially.

'Super depressed they didn't have my favorite smoothie'

'Derek Shepard is dead = forever depressed '

I'm guilty of this, using these words to express feeling sad or even overwhelmed. The word becomes socially normal, as well as everyone self diagnosing themselves.

This was until, I was diagnosed with chronic depression.

Times have been tough, my father leaving me and my mothers neglect being key triggers to this.

There's been times where I haven't eaten, felt like waking up, or put little effort in everyday life, and felt as though the pain was unbearable, or unlivable.

That was until, Harry.

Its only been 2 days. 2 days since one of the best, yet worst nights of my life.

In just 2 days, I quit my job, eaten just 2 granola bars, and taken 0 showers.

My mother screamed at me last night, accusing me of stupidity and foolishness.

"I'm sorry mom, I'll always be your biggest disappointment. I'm sorry Dad loved me more than you. I'm sorry I'm the child you never wanted."

I was shocked after saying the words, but by pressure being lifted from my chest, I knew it was right, it was the truth that had been hidden for so long.

And by her complete silence accompanied by a sympathetic frown, she doesn't disagree with my statement.

2 days since I've heard from him, seen his smile, or tasted his lips.

I've read plenty of books, romances in particular, crying over the love Louisa Clark had for William Trainor, as well as fan girling over the choice of words Augustus Waters used to describe his love for Hazel Grace.

I've gotten the butterflies in my stomach over details of a first kiss, and the sadness and sympathy I feel for a character experiencing death or heart ache.

But, when I say nothing has or ever will compare to this pain, I sincerely mean this.

This pain, is inhumane. Its impossible to put into words. Its something I find impossible to live with.

My mothers been watching me, checking on me every 15 minutes to make sure I haven't killed myself.

Before I would roll my eyes at something so extreme. Now? I pray she'll forget to check on me and let me end this horrendous pain.

Louis hasn't left my house. He called out of work, and gave my boss my notice.

Niall has been calling Harry non stop.

That Friday night is a blur, as I spent it zoning out my surroundings and replaying the events in my head, trying to find the slightest hope of miscommunication.

"God damn it! Fucking coward wont answer the god damn phone!" Niall throws his phone on the desk, sitting and running his fingers through his messy hair. Louis pets my head, comforting me as I keep my head on his lap.

""Do you want to go shower?" I shake my head, the most I've been doing for communication.

They've learned the mention of his name triggers sobs, and the sight of my sheets or red thong send me into hyperventilation. They both have been thrown away, replaced with blue sheets and my causal panties.