Stay.

1. Scared But Falling For You

Autumn's P.O.V

              The living room was stale and quiet as my eyes were drawn to the boy that stood in front of me, speaking to my brother. Kevin fucking Hammond. I couldn't help but admire his stature, and the way his lips curled when he spoke. I seemed to always find myself admiring the perfection that coated him like a blanket, not worrying about the imperfections that might lay underneath. I sat staring, vividly aware that there... weren't any. It was so odd how he always invited my awkward, lingering presence and even so happened to flirt with me when I caught his eye. Now, things were growing stronger. A day out of our mundane lives brought this on- My brother was standing over me like a tower, as we fought. His face was a deterrent to my hospitality, and I lashed back, letting out every second of anger and turmoil my body had sustained, but little did I know... Kevin listened. And, although I didn't really consider it at the time, it made an impression on him. Some lingering thoughts that our minds have feelings in common, ones I dreamt about exploring together. 

That started... This. My undying feelings for this knight in tin foil and plastic casing- Maybe he would be the one to save me from myself, but my mind bounced back with the understanding that him and I.... Would never work. He was Mr. Popular, (and by that I mean the utter encasing of the practice of perfection) and I... Well, I was the most introverted and shy person that refused to leave an imprint anywhere I went. He's an upperclassmen (and yes that mattered) and I'm the awkward freshman that quakes like a cold Chihuahua when I am near him. He is normal, and I an overemotional, overcompensating, shy girl.

Not to mention, manic depression, undiagnosed bipolarism had controlled me, and I carried nothing on my back but the inability to regulate that. I wouldn't ever desire call it anything in specific, because in my mind I felt that if I stated it as so, I would have an excuse to be the way I was, and less motivation to try and change it. This mindset is degrading, and although the world seemed to drastically change, the emotional turmoil swarming in my head burned with a hope for life's succession. I stopped thinking, looking around the house like a lost puppy. Kevin was sitting there, waiting patiently. Thomas, my brother, had left the room. My thoughts related back to Kevin- I thought about how Kevin was an excellent human with complete infallibility, while the voices in my head became more frequent and my hormones didn't help my shift of emotion. I deeply thought on the idea of how free it would feel to know how to speak to him, to bring our pulsing minds closer- but all I felt was dejected and angry at myself for continuing to torture myself with things that could never occur in a plausible world. A tear fell from my cheek and I sniffled, the overwhelming sensation of my thoughts overpowering me, the box in my chest exploding with angry butterflies and small knives. I picked myself up from my low swinging shoulders and sulked to my room, knowing that the safest place from yourself... Is bed. Curling up, for some reason, even out of my own awareness, I began sobbing. Kevin opened up the door gently and walked in with caution. I wiped my tears, pretending I was on my phone. 

"Autumn, are you okay?" He said, walking closer to my bed. "I'm fine..." I said, trying to hide the fact that my statement was a lie.

He sat on the edge of my bed and sighed. "I know when you're lying to me."

His compassion made me nervous. It took a moment, but I stood up and climbed out of bed. He straightened his posture, and I timidly drew closer to his chest, it calling me through the rattling cages of my soul, I slowly dragged my small feet, fighting off the terrible anxiety keeping me from him. He put his arms up openly, and we stood for a sweet moment, looking at each other, for the first time feeling receptive to each other.  I fell into his arms like butter, hugging him as tight as I could. My hair wrapped around him as I felt his lips touch my shoulder, and felt his warm breath guide itself through the fabric of my shirt. His arms wrapped around me after a moment of shock, and his hand strongly glided over my back. "It's okay..." He said softly, then pressing his lips against my neck. I pulled away. "Thank you." I was shocked.