I Try

Chapter 25 - Shotgun Wedding

Lauren's Point of View, Continued

Hours later, after Zack and I had finally committed ourselves to one another for the first time, I woke up for the second time that day. The day that would change everything.

"Where's Charlie?" Zack sat up with sleep roughing his voice, rubbing his eyes to clear some of the night's blur.

"In the other room, still asleep. I'm going to get her up in just a minute. I have to get her fed and dressed before I get ready for the ceremony." I threw the blankets off and stood up, my bare feet padding the cool hardwood floor. My pajamas were strewn on the floor a minute after, warm water hitting my back.

"Can I join you?" Zack was behind my left shoulder before I could reach for the shampoo and I started, my heart racing. I turned toward him, reveling in the fact that we had scarcely seen each other naked for the first time and we already acted as though we had been doing so for ages. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Only if you wash my back," I said, handing him a loofah. He smiled and kissed my clavicle in answer, rubbing soap between my shoulder blades and gently dragging the loofah over my skin. I put my hand in his hair and brought his face to mine, and before I knew it he had his hands in my damp, but still unwashed hair, and my back was pressed against the shower wall.

Twenty minutes later, we were still grinning at each other like idiots. "I love having sex with you," he whispered in my ear. I slapped his hand because I was pulling a onesie over our daughter's head and didn't want him talking that way in front of her.

"Oh, come on. She doesn't know what I'm saying."

"So? She probably absorbs more than we know, and anyway, don't be such a dirty boy!" I tossed a sock at his chest.

"I love you right now," he said.

"And I love you for always."

A knock sounded at the door and I knew the makeup artist had arrived. I felt a little guilty letting them do my whole setup when I knew I would be calling off the wedding before it started, but I didn't want to say anything until everyone was together. It just wasn't going to be pulled off if we tried beforehand. I handed Charlie to Zack, who kissed her tummy as he settled her in his arms and left the room so that the makeup team didn't know he was there. He was going to go out the back way and head to the groomsmen's hotel room.

Music started in the ballroom, where months before I had been standing with Nash's stepmom, trying to figure out if I could go through with this wedding. And here I was, dress and all; but I was not going to marry the guy I thought I would have to.

Butterflies acknowledged my fears, but I tried to soothe them. Let them know it would be okay. It had to be. As my bridal party lined up in front of me, I took a deep breath and adjusted my bouquet. It would be over soon.

Once the organ started, the first bridesmaid started walking through the double doors. I watched her dress swish around her ankles, mesmerized by the motion, committing it to memory. For the first time today, I could see Nash standing at the end of the aisle, his hands clasped in front of him tightly. I knew by the way he was holding them that he was doing so for dear life.

I could see my father sitting in the front, the back of his head speckled with white. He had aged since my mother died, but he still looked much the same as he had when she was alive. For a moment, I could almost see her next to him, her arm looped through his, encouraging him to be strong. The desire for her to see me today, even if it wasn't my real wedding day, was overwhelming in that moment.

On the other side, I could see Nash's father next to Clara. He looked stoic as ever, but my unpleasant brief meetings with him were almost definitely biasing me. Clara looked as elegant and regal as she had since the day I met her. I wished her nothing but the best.