I Try

Chapter 10 - Smacked

Beth’s Point of View

It was early in the morning, so early in fact that the entire campus was dead. No one was in sight. I came early from the apartment - walked, actually - because today was the day of Bryan’s date with Erika, and I wanted to be as far from them as possible. 

Anna had been over a couple times in the recent days but she had a family event in San Francisco this weekend, and so she wasn’t here to soften any of the blow with her spastic ways. I had tons of work to catch up on from my brief vacation, and I decided to study at the library. Less distraction. 

I walked up to the doors and pulled, but was met with no movement. Confused, I looked at the door to see a ‘Closed’ sign stuck to it. It must not have opened yet. I sighed. What would I do now? My books and assignments were heavy, if Bryan-before-Erika had been here he’d have scolded me for carrying them all this way in the first place. 

That Bryan seemed long gone. 

He was replaced with a distant shell, who picked an afternoon with a girl he barely knew over me, his supposed best friend. At least, I had been under that impression. But then I realized: I had been Erika. I had been new, I had been unknown, and he spent time with me anyway. Was he ready to move on to the next girl who would go to diners and sing silly songs with him?

The thought sprung tears from my eyes. 

As I contemplated the meaning of my life, I was startled by chirping birds in the trees that towered above my head. At first it was cute. It was like a classic Disney movie and I was a princess. But as I sat down on a planter and pulled a textbook into my lap, the chirping increased tenfold and there were birds calling from everywhere. I was getting agitated. 

“Shut up!” I yelled irritatedly. There was a pause in which the numerous sounds dwindled, but as soon as I so much as exhaled the chorus began again. I was beyond annoyed; I couldn’t focus on anything and they were only getting louder. Were they ever this loud when there were students around?

But then it dawned on me. The birds didn’t sing when the students were around because the students drowned them out with their own bird calls. This morning time was when the birds got to talk, so why should I, a loud student by day, interrupt them?

I felt guilty, but I satisfied my conscious by scattering pieces of bread from my sandwich that the birds hopped around eating. I figured it was their way of telling me we were square. I took tiny bites of it every now and then, but my stomach felt unstable. What was Bryan doing now? Was he awake? Maybe he was still asleep. He stayed the night at his apartment, in fact, he’d done that for a few nights. 

He said that he had to go away for a few days soon, and I was feeling especially vulnerable. It was a perfect storm for a horrible week. I was staring at a blank piece of paper when I came out of my daydream and realized that I had been sitting and thinking for two whole hours. The sun had risen and it was working on eight in the morning. 

I was craving coffee and I knew I couldn’t get it so I decided to get up and walk around. Students were starting to mill around and chatting in small groups. Many had paper cups of coffee or tea in their hands and wore smiles on their faces. I couldn’t imagine being so carefree.