Love for the alpha

15-heart

--------Annabella-----

"How did you sleep luna?" One of our chefs asked

"It was ok" I gave her a blank stare letting her know not to ask further questions

She scurried away noticing my irritation

I slept fine, maybe even good but I couldn't remember due to the fact that I woke up mad, Colton wasn't here nor did he leave me a note, I felt alone after the scene that took place last night.

He couldn't possibly know what I had felt but he should have known I would wanted to speak about it.

I couldn't blame him, to be honest I couldn't blame him for anything

My feelings are mine and only mine along with his being his but, and I mean this, he should have stayed

I quietly drink my tea ignoring all the good mornings and hellos from my fellow pack members

I just wasn't in the mood for this I know I'm being selfish and unfair but I pulsing help it, I couldn't help but think that, maybe he had a meeting, or had to do the patrol this morning but whatver the reason was he should have left me a note or a text explaining himself. I know I know how could I go from not wanting him to being jealous or possessive but I can't help it

Call it whatever you want, I know I'm wrong and weird

After all them emotions I felt and saw I just wanted an explanation, I wanted to know why he hid from me or why he felt regret I just didn't understand that's the only thing right now that could possibly piss me off more then his disappearance.

How could he have regretted me? was I not the one for him?

I shake my head at that thought

Of course he wanted me, I just.... I just don't know what to think, honestly.

I heard the kitchen door open signally someone was here, by the way my body felt like mush I knew it was Colton

"Ana?" he asked before sitting next to me "good morning" he said through a timid voice

I could feel him watching me as if I was going to blow up on him, he was right

"Where were you?" I asked in a calm scary tone even I was scared at my tone I sounded like my mother when my father used to come home late at night

"I was at a meeting with the elders" he slowly spoke

I took a sip from my coffee, looking at him with fear, not towards him but for him, "why didn't you let me know?"

"Jake rushed me out saying it was important, trust me Ana I tried writing you a note "

"Ok" I said but the truth is it wasn't ok I just didn't want to fight with him

He placed a hand on top of mine "are you feeling ok?"

I turn and look at him with a glare "how would you know? you left me here without any type of explanation "

"I told you I had tried jake rushed me out"

"We'll it would have been nice to know even if it was a text Colton" I got up from my chair and went towards the kitchen sink I could his chair scratch across the floor in anger " I wanted to speak to you about last night Colton but you weren't here"

He came an stood next to me "I'm sorry ana "

"Yeah I know "

He pulled on my sholders making my body face his " why are you so mean towards me! I just don't get it "

"Why did you feel regret the day you mated on me?"

He let's a deep sigh out " idk Ana I really don't"

"Did you really regret me? I mean I was your best friend so how could you feel that way? i just don't get it "

"Idk either Ana ok? I just don't know why" he took a step back " I thought you were to perfect for me, that I didn't deserve you"

"Maybe I am but if fate decided Anybody would be perfect for you, that anybody could molde into your alpha blood, anybody that could love you more than anything else, it's not a surprise they chose me, but you on the other hand thought something else!" I semi yelled

"I knew you would fit ana! I knew you loved me you already had for so long , so no, I didn't think any different! I just thought maybe fate made a mistake!"

His voice boomed through my body aiming right for my heart, how could fate make a mistake? how could anybody think such a thing

"So I was a mistake?" I chocked out i felt like I was going to cry, I knew what he meant but it still hurt to hear such a thing specially from your mate

"No Ana no no that's not what I meant" he runs his hands through his hair "damn it !" He cursed

I lowered my head, looking at my feet, witch needed to be painted, I know this isn't the time to freak over unpainted toe nails but I am, I scrunched my toes up hiding them.

Colton lifts my head up but I smack his hand away looking the other way I could feel his wolf whimpering at my touch.

"Ana" he said sounded like he was pleaded to me

I kept my head turned but I could see from the corner of my eye Colton has stepped back almost leaning on the wall

"I didn't mean that ana" he whispered " no matter what I say you won't believe me, no matter how much I try for you to see how I was, you just won't , your so clouded with hate that you can't see my plead for you"

"I am not clouded with hate!" I yelled

"Yes you are"

I crossed my arms over my chest, I knew if I said anything more I would regret it, I hated that feeling it's the worst

"Il just leave you alone for now on" he breathed out " il give you space, I know that is what you want so I'm going to respect that and give it to you"

He came closer to me, I could feel his face inch closer to mine but I didn't budge, he softly places a kiss on my cheek he held it there for a second before pulling away, he leaned in my ear " I would have gave my life to be with you at that moment, I felt regret simply becuz of your ages not becuz of who you are, I loved and still love everything you about you" he steps away walking towards the door, he looks over his shoulder "one day you will see that Ana " then he leaves

He leaves me again, standing alone.

Colton was a man I dreamed of but when the memorise of our past running through my head I remember why I hated him, I remember why I stayed far away from him

I run up the stairs straight to my room throwing the door open and slamming it shut behind me

I rushed to my bed throwing myself onto it and cry

I cry my eyes out

My heart hurt everyday he was away from me, I cried just as hard for him as I did a few years ago

My wolf was screaming at me for letting him walk away but what she didn't understand was the hurt had clouded my vision never letting me forget, just like Colton said I will never understand or see his plead if I can't let go of my hate.

My mother always told me to never hate your mate before we had mated on one another, she also said it made the proses of opening up an giving yourself to him/her harder, I never listen but then again I never though Colton was my mate, if I had I wouldn't have went there that day, I would have let my father call him like he wanted to I would have never made Colton say the things he did. It was becuz of me that Colton did what he did.

I never knew why humans were so closed off towards men, I never understood the distance some female humans placed between them and the world

With all this pain,lust, and hurt I feel now is the answer to the questions I always asked , I now understood everything, I now know what it is like for humans to hurt so much

This isn't the feeling I wanted to keep experiencing...........