All I Ever Wanted

I just want to be with you, right here with you

I felt my stomach drop a little bit, but I sat up "Okay. About."

Steven pulled a chair up, sitting directly in front of my bed "First of al, how are you feeling."

I shrugged a little "Okay, I guess. Kind of tired."

Steven nodded, and looked down. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asked after a second or two.

I bit my lip "I think part of me didn't want to think I could be sick. Gabriel had just died, and Lizzie was still in her coma. I just.. Didn't want to take my attention off of that. It was so, so stupid. I guess I sometimes like to pretend I can't ever be sick. I don't know."

Steven pursed his lips, and I don't think he really like my answer. "Amy"

"It's the truth, Steven. I promise that. Okay, I'm sorry. It was stupid and irresponsible. I was just being an idiot. Alright? I'm sorry." I said, my voice shaking "And then I just forgot about it, because I didn't think it was serious. And when I realized today that, hey, it could be, I figured that maybe I'd check it out when we got to Boston. I didn't want to worry you. But I see I was wrong about that. But you can't be upset with me over this!"

"Yes, I can, Amy. Actually, I can. If you just went to the doctors, they could have seen it and gotten it out right away. And you're damn lucky that it was beinign. Because if that was a cancerous tumor, Amy, it could have been so much worse." Steven said, getting up "I don't think you realize how serious this is, Amy." He paused and sighed deeply "Mia's mother died a few years ago from a brain tumor."

"I.. I didn't realize that she did.."

Steven nodded "It's so serious, Amy. I think that's why I was so scared. Because there was nothing to be done to help Cyrinda. But there was for you, and when you said you knew and just didn't do anything, I got upset."

"I'm sorry, really. I know it's serious. I know. And I promise, if I find out I have any more major medical emergencies, I will tell you. I will go straight to the hospital. There will be no repeat of tonight." I said.

Steven nodded and rann a hand through his hair. "Now what is this about you thinking you were pregnant?"

I sighed "That wasn't anything, really. That was when I wasn't sure what was wrong and I was getting sick and felt fatigued and stuff, and Lizzie thought it sounded like I was pregnant, so she said last week when I told her, I needed to take a test. I forgot until today, and I tok it, and it was negative. So I didn't even bring it up. I didn't want to talk about what we would have done if it was positive. I didn't want to think about it."

"I wish you did say something, either last week or today. Because that is something we should talk about."

I sighed "Can we please, please, talk about it another day. I'm not up to talking about it right now."

Steven thought about it before nodding "Yeah, sure, we can holdoff on that." He said, sitting back down.

We sat in silence before I cleared my throat. "So, um, before I apparently had a seizure, you asked me a pretty serious question, in front of like, everybody." I said, sitting up a little more.

Steven chuckled and shook his head "You don't want to talk about possibly havng a baby, but you do about this?"

"One of those things might not happen, and if it does, not for a while. One is still in the air. You decide what's more important." I said, raising an eyebrow.

Steven laughed again. "Okay, fine. So. I asked you to marry me, and your response was having your body wracked in compulsions. Would you like to give me a more verbal answer, or should I just go by that?" He asked

I smiled, knowing he was trying to lighten the mood. "Steven, when we met, we were both engaged to other people, and like, the second we got out of them, we were together. That's a year and a half."

"I know, Amy, but I love you."

"I love you too. Now shush. Part of the reason Gabriel and I didn't work out was because I didn;t feel like I was readym or the marrying type. But having brain surery, really makes you think." I noted "And I realized I can;t over think things and let my insecurities get the best of me, and that what happened with my last engagement. But I need to follow my heart. I realize that now."

"Alright." Steven said, nodding "So, what does your heart say then."

I smiled at him, but only a little "That I love you, so so much, and I want to marry you, I do. But not right now."

"Amy, I'm not asking you to get hitched in Vegas tomorrow" Steven said seriously.

"I know, I know. But I want to make sure you understand, that I don't know when I want to get married. I'm not good and knowing when I'm ready, Steven. It could be within the year, or maybe not for a while. And that led to problems with me and Gabriel, Steven. I don't want that to lead to problems for us."

"Amy." Steven finally came up to me and held hy head in his hands "I love you to the moon and back. I don't care if you don't want to get married until your thirty seven! Well, maybe not that long, but you know what I mean. I can wait as long as you want, engaged or not.This isn;t making or breaking the relationship. But I'd love to be able to say to people that the beautiful, funny, excitable, smart, amazing girl I'm with is my soon to be wife, even if it's not so soon."

I smiled at him, tears filling my eyes. But this time good tears. I laughed a little and kissed him quickly. "So then give me the ring, babe."